Zayn
"Good morning baby." Justin spoke as he walked into the kitchen.
"Morning, sleep well?" I asked as I flipped the bacon on the stove.
"Of course." He giggled, walking towards me.
His walk was different, jumpy instead of steady. He must me excited about something. Or maybe nervous.
"Guess what?" He said, excitement clear in his voice.
"What babe?" I asked with a smile, loving how happy he looked.
He smiled as he wrapped his arms around my neck, leaning up so his mouth was near my ear. He giggled some before whispering something that broke my heart.
"You're shit."
I woke gasping for air, hating that I had the dream again. It seemed like I was being haunted by mistake. It was all I thought about and I could hardly sleep without the thought of it haunting me in a nightmare.
I couldn't believe myself, honestly. I couldn't understand how I could hurt him like that. I hated myself for it. I promised myself I would never hurt him. I broke that promise and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for it.
I deserved to feel this way though, I shouldn't feel any other way. I didn't deserve any happiness.
But me being me, I was going to be selfish and doing everything I could to earn his forgiveness. I decided to call him, again.
I've called him a million and one times everyday through out these last to weeks.
I dialed his number and after a few seconds of it ringing, he answered but he didn't speak.
"Justin?" I asked after a few seconds of silence.
"Hi Zayn."
"Justin?" He asked again, still shocked he even answered.
"Yeah, it's Justin. If that's all you called to say then I'm just going to hang up." He said, sounding annoyed.
I didn't respond for a few seconds, afraid he might actually hang up. So I took a few second to think about what I wanted to say but only one thing came up.
"I'm sorry."
"Excuse me?" He said slowly.
"I said sorry Justin. I mean it, I'm really fucking sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said. I could see it in your eyes that day how much it hurt you and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I did something I swore I would never so. I never meant to hurt you, I swear.
I know all of this apologizing probably means nothing to you but I still needed to do it. I understand if you don't forgive me, I don't deserve it anyways. I just needed you to know how sorry I am, even if you choose not to forgive me."
"I have to go now." He whispered.
"I love you."
"Goodbye Zayn."
Then that was it, he just hung up. He didn't even say he loved me back. It hurt, a lot.
A few seconds later I was getting a call, from him.
"Hello?"
"What're the bad habits Zayn?" He asked, leaving me confused.
I had no idea what he was talking about, I don't have any bad habits. I mean little things like biting my nails when I'm nervous but what's that got to do with our situations.
"What're talking about Justin?"
"Zayn, don't play stupid. Harry said your getting back to old habits and they're bad, what are they?"
"I don't- wait Harry said that to you?" I asked, even more confused.
"Yes, stop avoiding the question and answer it." He snapped, obviously annoyed.
"Harry's a drug addict and he's ashamed of it. That's what he does, he tells you about other peoples problems to distract you from his."
"Oh." He whispered.
"Yeah, I swear I don't have any bad habits. I wouldn't hide anything from you babe."
"I know, Zayn. I'm sorry, I'll call you later." He said, still whispering.
"I love you." I said, hoping he'd say it back this time.
"I love you, too." He mumbled.
"I'll talk to you later, yeah?" I asked, not sure if he was actually going to call back.
"Maybe."
"I hope so." I mumbled.
"Goodbye again, Zayn." He said before he hung up.
I sat there for who knows how long, just thinking. I thought a lot about us and how things would work out, if they did work out.
I honestly don't know if I can live without him, these past few weeks have been hell. It's like I forgot how to live without him. It's actually a bit pathetic.
I should be able to sleep in an empty bed without feeling like shit, or come home to an empty flat without feeling like I'm missing something. But the again, maybe I shouldn't.
Maybe that's something that comes with being in love. It's like everything changes when you fall in love. It's as though you're living for the person you're in love with and not yourself.
So know that I think about it, it's not pathetic. It's amazing that I fell so deep in love that I can't go on doing everyday things without him here.
It's not pathetic being in love. No, it's an amazing thing.
authors note ; this is so much shorter than the last but I didn't have as much time to write. but I hope y'all enjoy
this counts as a double update right? whoop whoop
anywoo, vote and comment please
- Kali ♡
