Zayn
As I watched Justin hug my mum for a source of comfort all I wanted was for him to be hugging me. And I didn't want my mum to be comforting him because she's my mum and she should only comfort me. I'll admit, I was being selfish.
I was being a selfish prick because as I watched the love of my life breakdown, I only thought about myself. I only thought about the many ways I should fit into the situation.
Maybe that's a problem I've got. I have to be in every situation around me and if I'm not, well I just have to find my way into it.
So I walked over to Justin and pulled him into my arms. He was no longer crying on my mothers shoulder, but on mine. By the look on my mums face I knew that she knew exactly what I was doing.
I know it was wrong of me to use Justin this way, in the vulnerable state he's in but I couldn't just not take the bait. It may seem as if I'm just comforting him for my own selfish reasons, but I am not.
I can say that to see him hurt, hurts. So I will always be there to offer him a source of comfort, whether it be for him or me.
In all honesty, it's for both of us in the end. If I comfort him, then maybe he won't be hurting anymore which in turn would mean I won't be hurting.
"Justin, you let this slip your mind while you're away, okay?" Mum said to Justin in her sweet mothering voice.
Justin only nodded in return, to choked up to speak. I know he won't speak because he doesn't trust his voice.
"I love you, hun. Stay safe." She said to me as she kissed my forehead.
"Yeah, mum, I love you too." I mumbled.
"Bye Zayn." Lily said so quietly, I'd barely heard it.
"Have fun you too." Mum said in her usual happy voice before shutting the front door behind her.
"Baby." I mumbled against Justin's head.
"I can't, Zayn." He cried.
I was sure my hearts stopped because maybe this was it. Maybe this was the moment he ended us, again. And maybe I couldn't handle going through that again.
Even though I was sure I wouldn't like what I was about to hear, I swallowed down my nerves and responded.
"Can't what?" I wrapped my arms tighter around him, not wanting to let go.
"I can't pretend I'm okay anymore. I can't sit around with this fake smile and act like everything's okay, because it's not. Nothings okay." He choked out, breaking into a whole new fit of sobs
"No, baby it's alright. It's all going to be okay." I said bringing his body closer to mine.
I continued to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, trying my best to calm him down but nothing seemed to work. He only cried harder, repeating it's not okay, over and over again.
I was done with her. I was fed up with Pattie Mallette. I couldn't bring myself to reason with her decision not to accept her son for who he is.
I wanted to hate her, I really, truly did. I wanted to feel something so negative toward her that should would feel it every time she took a breath. But I couldn't.
I couldn't allow myself to feel that way towards her because even though she's putting Justin through hell by denying him the simplicity of her acceptance, she's still the reason for his being.
If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have Justin. I wouldn't have my happiness, I wouldn't have my reason to pull through. So yes, maybe she is putting him through a lot but I could never not will I ever be able to bring myself to hate her.
I could bring myself to throw a few hateful things her way. I could give her a piece of my mind without any type of hesitation. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.
I grabbed Justin's phone out of his left back pocket, where I knew he had always kept it. It was always there, never on the right or in the front but exactly in the back left pocket.
"Zee, w-what're you doing?" He sniffled.
He finally looked up at me after forever of having his face buried in the crook my neck. His eye were red and puffy and his beautiful face was test stained.
"It's alright, love. Please, just relax." I said as I scrolled through his contacts.
There was loads of them but I finally got to the M's. For a second I was looking for something along the lines of Mum but I realized it would be Mom.
As soon as I found the contact, I called. I was ready to blow, just waiting to our every drip of hateful poison I held for her, but she didn't answer.
I sure as hell wasn't taking a voicemail, so I called, again and again and again. I was about ready to give up when the ring stopped and a soft voice fell through the speakers.
"Justin?"
"Er, no. This is Zayn, his boyfriend." I wasn't ready anymore.
I couldn't bring myself to say such things I thought to her. I've never met the women but I could tell by her voice that she is a very sweet women.
"Oh, hello." She said, her voice to soft and sweet.
I was expecting her tone to turn into something bitter but it still held the softness that crushed my entire plan.
"I- uh, I don't know how to put this."
She gasped and let out a whisper, "is he okay?"
She sounded on the verge of tears.
"Oh, psychically, yes. But I'd say he's crushed emotionally." I whispered.
Justin let out another broken sob and I heard yet another gasp come from Pattie.
"Is that him? Oh, my poor baby." She sounded about as broken as Justin.
"I miss him very much. I'd like to see him and talk about things." She said.
"I don't think that's a good idea." I said with as much force I could muster up.
"Why?"
"I don't you to reject him again and have to watch him go through the after shocks of the rejection, all over again."
"I've come to terms with it. It'll take some getting use to but if it's you, a guy, that makes my baby happy then I'll have to learn to live with it." She said.
"See, that's just the thing. Justin wants your acceptance. He doesn't want to go through life knowing you're just living with it, he wants to know you have accepted it."
I know it was rude but I hung up, I didn't want to hear anything else she had to say. I still couldn't stand her, I couldn't stand that I couldn't hate her and most of all, I couldn't stand that I feel obligated to love her.
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authors note ; so, Pattie, are you coming around or?
I'm so close to seven k, thank y'all so so much.
QOTC: what's your favorite Disney movie?
anywoo, vote and comment please
- Kali ♡
