Justin
I stood staring out the window of my condo in Canada. I felt this was the best place for me to be right now, home is always comforting. In a way it helped, there were a few things that distracted me from the thought of Zayn.
I took some time to see a few of my old friends, we played ball and hung out just like old times. It was nice that they still treated me the same, the way they had before I came out.
I also went and spent time with my grandparents. It was wonderful, they still made me extremely happy even though I held such pain in my heart.
It was unbelievable how much pain that one sentence caused me. It hurt so much to hear him say something like that. I feel broken, honestly. I feel as though he broke me.
It hurts so much to think about it, to think about him casually implying that I'm shit. It hurts to know that's all I am to him. It just hurts so damn much.
He caused me so much pain and I was starting to feel as if I wouldn't pull through. I was to emotionally exhausted to even try and pull myself together. The whole thing has taken a toll on me.
I hadn't slept in days. I cried myself to sleep every night only to wake up two hours later calling out for him. I barely ate in the past two weeks. I try to eat, I do but it won't stay down.
Last time I tried to eat I almost had it down but then he called. He called just like he did every other night. He called so many times a day it was hard to avoid it. He always leaves voicemails, begging me to just talk to him.
I couldn't even if I wanted to. I tried calling because I wanted an explanation but I couldn't speak, but he stayed on the line begging for me to speak until I finally gave up.
A loud knock on the door dragged me out of my thoughts, thankfully. I walked over, curious as to who would just show up. I expected it to be my mom or one of my friends but to my surprise it was Harry, Zayn's friend. I couldn't believe it, how did he find me?
"Hey Justin." He whispered, giving me a weak smile.
"H-Hi." I stuttered, my voice cracking due to lack of talking.
"I thought I'd come check on you."
I looked at him confused before poking my head out the door to make sure this wasn't Zayn's way of getting to me. After coming up empty I invited Harry in.
We walked to the living room, sitting on opposite ends of the couch.
"How're you?" He asked, his accent thicker then what I can remember.
"Fine." I mumbled as I snuggled into the sweater I was wearing.
"That's Zayn's." He said.
"No shit." I snapped, feeling guilty directly after.
"I'm sorry." I chocked as I broke into chest aching sobs.
"Holy shit, it's okay Justin." He said, standing to his feet and walking towards me.
He sat down next to me, wrapping his arms around me shoulders.
"I'm just gonna hold you because sometimes that's all you need. A friend to hold you." He whispered.
I only cried harder because it was true and he was nice enough to be that friend.
"I promise not to talk about him but I just want you to know one thing," He paused then began speaking, "he's not doing well, he's falling back into old patterns and I'm worried about him."
