The Kind of Man You Like

Please

"You can't be weak. Weakness gives people a chance to beat you. Being weak doesn't work in this world and it's not going to work if you want to do half of what you say you do in life. That's not how me and your mother raised you. Now sit up, let's go over it again."

She sighs, taking a drag from the cigarette and blowing the smoke. The words echo in her head.

She is weak. That's what she is. It's what she always has been. That's how she ended up here. She never did what she had to. She's dramatic and selfish and stupid and this is why her daughter was going to die.

It made sense. She couldn't take care of her and in turn she was dying.

There was no hope.

So maybe that's why she was up on the roof. Hiding from everything and everyone because she couldn't handle it. She couldn't handle Tom asking her to be strong, couldn't handle what was going on, couldn't handle the idea that this may be it. That a week ago was the last time she would ever hear her daughter speak again.

Her phone rings and she sort of just stares at it as it does. It's probably Tom or Marlo and she doesn't want to hear what they have to say right now. She finishes her cigarette as it rings.

It rings again.

She flips it over and looks to the screen to see it Tom's mother. She debates on whether or not she should answer. Something tells her to.

"Hello?"

"Samaria? Is everything alright? I tried calling..."

"Everything is fine I guess. I'm not in the room right now."

"Where are you?"

"Outside getting air."

"I'm sure you need it. Things haven't been easy lately. Though I'm sure in time they will be okay and work themselves out. I have faith."

"Yeah...sure."

"Samaria you don't sound like yourself...is everything okay?"

"Not nearly but I have to be okay with that right? I have to get past it?"

"No. No you don't. I don't think it's possible. Who told you that you had to?"

"Everyone keeps telling me to be strong and to be hopeful and I'm tired of doing that. I'm tired of being strong, it's never gotten me anywhere. It hasn't made Ravyn better and it's not going to."

"And you think she won't get better at all?"

"She's done nothing but gotten worse. She's stable now but knowing how me and Tom's dynamic has worked, she won't be for long."

"Sam you can't give up hope. I'm not saying you have to be strong because no one in their right mind really could be in a situation like this. I'm saying just give everything a chance before expecting it to go wrong."

"She was sick for almost two days before this happened. I didn't do anything, I just kept her home like I knew what was wrong when I didn't."

"Being a mother is not easy, Samaria. It's the hardest job in the world and you're not going to know when things should happen all the time. But you know that you have to keep going because you have a baby that's counting on you. We can't all be perfect mothers, but we can try to be all that we can be for our children. You are a great mother Samaria, I haven't been around a lot to truly see all of it but I know you are. I could feel it when you were here."

"I just feel like I keep failing her somehow."

"The only thing you could possibly do that would fail her, is to leave and give up on her when she needs you. I know you haven't, you're just scared." She sniffles.