The Kind of Man You Like

Bittersweet

TOM

Staying away from her after figuring everything out was hard.

He wanted to tell her what happened but he already knew that she'd probably just ignore him or not believe him. That's how it would go.

But he had to try even if that meant she would continue to hate him.

He goes into her room and sort of stands on the other side of it. She's up but since she hasn't been getting better she's sort of laid on her side. She looks over to him for a moment before back out the window.

"I thought you were gone."

"I volunteered to stay since everyone else needed a few to get themselves together."

"Hero." She states and he catches her eye roll.

"You scared me when I couldn't find you." He starts, hoping and praying she'll listen. "I thought something happened to you. The entire time I kept thinking about how I hurt you and that I wouldn't get a chance to make it right. Sam, I don't know how to say this..."

"Then don't."

"Amy told me that if I broke it off with you, she would leave you and Ravyn alone. I wanted protect you so I did what she wanted me to." She stares at him.

"So I'm supposed to believe that you went along with something like that? Do you think I'm stupid?"

"That's not what I'm saying. Sam, think about it; before all of this,have I ever lied to you? Have I ever been anything but completely honest with you?"

"When you told me you love me. When you gave me all of those letters. You lied the entire time."

"I lied about not loving you." He starts. "I lied about not thinking about you every day. I lied about not wanting to spend all of my time being with you and with our baby. You're everything I want." She sits up so she's facing him. He can see she's started crying.

"Why can't you just leave me alone? You always do this...it's like you don't mind putting me through this. You hurt me over and over again...can't you see I just want this to stop?"

"Samaria, I can't believe I did this but I can't let it go on any longer. I hurt you, I know I did but I did it to protect you. I wanted to make sure you were okay so I did everything Amy asked me to do." He moves over to her and stands close. He wishes she would just believe him. "I knew that you would believe me. I knew you've always been nervous about being with someone and I used it to hurt you. I hurt you and I manipulated you into thinking that I didn't need you. I can never forgive myself for that. But I love you...I love you so much, Samaria."

He sits on the edge of her bed; reaching up to touch her cheek. She lets him but he can tell she's still scared. She doesn't want to believe what he's saying.

"Just...believe me. Please..." she stares at him, breathing heavily before looking away.

"Don't do this to me...please." he moves his hand and nods.

"I'm so sorry." She sniffles.

"I lied to you about Ravyn and it's something I'll never be able to forgive myself for. I'm trying and it will take time. You lied to me about Amy but one day maybe knowing and realizing will help it get a little better. But if two people have to lie so much for so long...they probably shouldn't be together." Neither of them will look at each other.

This is it.

"I love you...I love you so much. You're the father of my kid and I've probably had feelings for you since we met. That won't change. But this...this thing we've got going on? It won't work. It's not good for anybody involved. Your father knew it and it took me some time to realize it too but it's true. It's not healthy. And as parents we can't do that to Ravyn. She doesn't deserve it." He nods.

"No, she doesn't. Not at all." He reaches up to brush her tears from her face. "You don't deserve it." She grabs his hand and holds it.

"I'm sorry."

"What? No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You don't apologize for it. It's going to be fine. And I'm going to be around. Whenever you need me. Promise." She nods and squeezes his fingers.

"I found something out today."

"Besides the big reveal?" She gives a sort of unemotional laugh.

"Yeah..." she looks down.

"Samaria..."

"The doctor told me that I was pregnant when I came in here." He stares at her.

"Was?"

"I miscarried. They checked and there was no heartbeat..." he squeezes her hand as he feels himself slip lower and deeper into sadness. The kind that leaves you feeling like your soul is gone.

"How...how far along were you?"

"Almost four months give or take a few weeks I'm told. I wasn't showing physically and I had no symptoms so..."

"Oh Samaria..."

"They have to take me in soon so they can remove it. Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything." He breaks down.

"If they come in here and I'm asleep or something can you tell them I...we want to keep it? I want...to bury them. I don't know where but I want to do it."

"Of course I can. We can find a place...a spot. Get flowers and things. Maybe...next to your parents. So they can be with family."

"Yeah...I'd like that." They both sit there communicating in sniffles and squeezing of hands. He moves over to sit next to her more and wrap an arm around her shoulders. They lay back and he holds her and she holds him and they cry.

Boy, do they cry.