The Science of Illusion || James Moriarty x Reader Fanfic

I Want To Break Free

*Y/N's P.O.V.*

He's right, everything that came out of his mouth is right and I hate it. 

He's giving me the perfect opportunity in here, the opportunity that I've always wanted - to do something about a certain problem my way. That was the kind of excitement I was longing for. Sherlock found himself on being a detective, being able to know what happened through observation and deduction, that's what excites him. Mycroft, on the other hand, enjoys authority. His intelligence and control magnificently work together and that's what excites him. 

As for me? Even if I try to hide it for almost all my life, doing things on my own excites me - doing things with no restraint, no hold backs, no judgment and no feelings, that's always what I have been wishing for. I know I could do all of those things and immediately eliminate the cause of the problem, but I couldn't...because it's wrong. That's what I was conditioned to think and actually it is the right and sane way to think.

They say that what comes first to the mind is who you really are, but what you chose to do is what you are conditioned to act...which for me means that I'm that one insane blood-lusted person that tries to be sane and benevolent as I can be. But the latter is not happening whenever I'm with Moriarty because he lets the real me out...no restraints, no judgment, nothing...

But for the 25 years of living, I still know that that is wrong, something my brothers would stop me from doing, something I would stop myself from doing.

I sighed angrily as I try to push all these thoughts away, but let's be honest here, I can't escape them. Seriously, all this time I was doing okay until that charming devil came along and began waking up the demons in my head.

While being frustrated, I just walked in front of the mirror to look at how stressed my physical body is. I realized by then that my hair had been in a messy bun, there are still splatters of blood all over my body and clothes, and somehow my eyes are still showing deadliness. This much adrenaline is really addicting but damn it's going to fuck your body really bad.

Even when I had the time to relax and sleep for a while, there is still some adrenaline in my body that was left and I could still feel it. This may be the reason why my mind is still active and screaming right now which makes me more frustrated.

"Okay, Y/N, stop it and focus!" I whispered to myself as I collapsed on the chair just behind me. My mind is honestly driving me crazy right now and I  want to shut it off.

I took a very deep breath before I even lose my control in here. I curled up on that seat and positioned myself comfortably before I close my eyes. I tried my best to stabilize my breathing and clear my mind, following the pattern that Sherlock taught me years ago. He taught me this certain place inside a person's head where and gave me the technique to get there, it's commonly known as mind palace. He told me this is where he often spends his time as he meditates and it seems that him being there makes him focus more. Honestly, I was never really a fan of doing it, but right now I need to, and besides, I wanted to see him too even just inside my head...

"Seriously, I'm a bit disappointed at you, sister. I thought you're better now," Suddenly, I heard Sherlock's voice and the moment I opened my eyes, I know I'm inside my mind palace now. I turned around as I follow the voice and finally seeing Sherlock casually sitting on his couch while our surroundings are quite blurry. I know he's just the Sherlock that had been processed inside my head, but I'm glad to see him even if he's still so cocky. "A whole day hasn't even passed by, but you're already falling out of your mind," he continued.

"I came here to escape my thoughts, Sherlock. Leave me be," I said. I know I'm just talking to myself...this is all in my head after all, but to be honest, I know this helps. Sherlock laughed at me coldly.