Don't You Ever Let Me Go. (Jalex)

You're All I Know- Chapter 10

[Jack's pov]

We all went back to the bus and as soon as we got in there, I went straight to my bunk. I snuggled up with my Jack the Skeleton blanket and looked out the small window. I sighed, it looked like it was gonna rain soon. Black clouds just filled the sky. 

I felt the left side of the bunk dip down. I turned around to see Alex laying there, staring at the ceiling. I sighed again and went back to watching the dark and gloomy sky. I decided not to say anything, keeping my mouth shut would be best. 

But then I thought that maybe talking would be best. I didn't really know where to start, so I said the first that came to my mind. Which just so happened to be "I love you, you know?" 

"I love you too." Alex whispered back, not bothering to glance at me. He spaced out a lot. 

"No Alex, I really love you. Do you know what that means?" I asked. 

"Of course I do." He finally looked at me. 

"I put my faith into you, I was so scared. Oh my god, Alex, I was fucking terrified. Before the first day of 8th grade, it was always just Zack and Jack. He knew everything there was to know about me. But then you came along, you found out things, and now look where we are."  gestured with my hands. 

"We're in a shitty pop punk band?" He questioned. 

"No, we're here. It's like you're so far away from right now." He shook my head. 

"Jack, I don't understand what you're saying." He furrowed his eyebrows. 

"I have these feelings, and as much as I try to get rid of them, I can't. You don't understand how long it took me to understand the fact that I, was hopelessly falling over some guy who couldn't even do much as to catch me. It felt like someone put a time bomb in my chest, and it was going to explode any second. The if you were to say one thing that was slightly off, it would blow up. That's our relationship, just one big bomb. We have our happy moments, then our horrible moments. Are relationships even supposed to be like this? This makes me want to tear my fucking hair out."

"I didn't know you felt like that." He whispered, looking down at his lap. I took the opportunity to keep on talking, because if I didn't get this out now, I probably would never speak of this again. 

"You know about what I did. I feel like I don't even know myself anymore. Do you know who I am?" The last part I whispered because I could feel my throat closing up. I was choking on my own tears I was trying so hard to fight back, and my vision was blurred, I was just one huge mess of emotions. 

He kept silent, I guess he didn't have an answer either. Instead he sighed. "We should go to sound check." He said softly. I nodded my head and stood up. 

At sound check I remained quiet, it was like I was in middle school all over again. I was the shy kid along with Zack, the guys who just listened to music and were hopeless dreamers. But who would of thought we would be standing on a stage playing our music to kids who looked up us. We were once in their spot, oh how the tables have turned now. 

Zack walked up to me as Astrid went to go and get him some water or something from back stage. 

"Hey man, you alright?" He asked quietly like usual. 

"I'm fine." I said, plastering that signature fake smile on my face. 

"You can't bullshit me, Jack. I've known you my whole life." He pointed out. I bit my lip and thought for awhile. It has been a long time since Zack and I talked like we used to. I sort of felt like I was neglecting him. We used to be so close and now I was ignoring him because I was hopelessly falling for a guy with a big ego. 

"Okay, I'll tell you. How about we hang out tonight after the show." I suggested. He agreed that we could go to an arcade or something, we used to love playing video games. We still do. 

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"So Jack-o tell me what's on your mind." Zack slung his arm around my shoulder. 

"I ran into May when I was supposed to prank Alex. Alex, he-he knows about the burns, and I don't know how. He's known since 8th grade, afterwards, that's when he started liking me. But before then, he was such a dick head. What if he's only doing this because he feels sorry for me, Zack?" I asked, looking up into his eyes. The eyes I used to look into each day, that's how we communicated. We knew each other so well. 

"Well, I can tell you this. If Alex is messing with you, and I find out about it, I will kick his ass. You're my best friend, and always have been and always will be. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna watch you get hurt because he's a jackass." 

"Really?" I asked with a slight smile. 

"Really. Now let's play that game over there, because Imma whoop your ass boy!" He yelled, making me laugh loudly. 

[Alex's pov]

I sat in my bunk chewing on my bottom lip. I was really deep in thought. 

"I feel like I don't know myself anymore. Do you know who I am?" Kept replaying in my mind.

I knew Jack had a different way of coping with things and thinking differently, my mom had told me when we first met Jack. But I didn't know he felt this way, particularly about our relationship. 

I remember the day we got into a fight, he was claiming that I didn't know what it was like to lose a family member and feel horrible about it. I had yelled, I knew what it was like. Of course I did, I lost my own brother. Jack and I ended up kissing in the end. We were so stupid and fearless, it was crazy. 

We never feared about losing each other over doing something so stupid, we just went for it and took our consequences afterwards. At any given moment we could just shatter from the fighting and constant stupid actions. We never really thought about anything before we did it. We still are like that, and to know how Jack felt this whole time, it made me feel completely fucking worthless. I was so oblivious to his feelings, I made him feel like that. And now it's too late to fix something I've already broken. 

"Does anyone know where Jack is? I think we should talk." I asked everyone that was in the bus. 

A/N- Hey guys, so I got some pretty good news! There's only about 2 weeks and 3 days (weekdays, not including weekends) until my last day of school, June 12. I finished all my Science and I'm halfway through with History. Meaning I only have half of History, all of Algebra and Language arts to do! I have some pretty good ideas for an ending.