Finding Islam

21: Meet

He glanced back at me again before looking back down at his screen without a word. My chest heaved up and down as I clenched and unclenched my fists, clenching my jaw as I tried to keep my anger in check.

"I'm getting married." I blurted, wanting to show him just how serious I was about this. Islam was most definitely not a phase for me. It was something I would devote my entire life to.

"No, you aren't." He said to me, his shoulders tensing up as his nostrils flared. There we go. Now we were getting somewhere.

"I am." I said, nodding my head and pursing my lips. He stared at me, judging whether or not I was joking and he clearly realised that I was being 100% serious and so he stood up.

"No!" He shouted. "You will not marry a Muslim! I will not let you." He shouted, banging his fist onto the desk as he narrowed his eyes at me, now his chest was heaving.

"I don't need your permission, dad." I told him slowly. "Whether you like it or not, I'm going to get married and she will be a Muslim woman. This isn't a phase. I don't need your blessing, but I really have been trying to show you the respect you deserve these past months. I know you've seen this. My treatment to you. I never obeyed you this much. Islam isn't a bad thing, dad. Neither is being apart of it. I'm not asking for your blessing, support or affection. I know you're not capable of that. I know you don't care. I just wanted you to know before I get married." I stated. He yelled my name after me telling me to come back here, but I left, knowing that if I stayed with him any longer I would say things I would regret.

I walked up to my room, laying down in my bed and staring at the ceiling, my breaths paced as I thought over how this whole marriage thing would happen. I knew I was thinking way ahead and maybe even being too hopeful, but the only reason why I brought it up was to make my dad know that I was dead serious about Islam.

Also, I guess if all goes well inshaaAllah then he'll have lots of time to prepare.

Tomorrow was the big day. The day I finally got to speak to her properly. Tomorrow was the deciding day for the both of us more or less. First encounters were everything. If we didn't vibe then we would both stop pursuing it. But, if we did vibe, then there'd be more encounters to come.

I realised that a smile had taken over my lips as I thought about where this would lead if we both found one another compatible after today.

I quickly picked up my phone, listening to Surah al Mulk and the last two ayat of Surah Baqarah before reciting ayatul kursi and the three Qul's (Ikhlas, Falaq, Nas) three times each.

After finishing my nightly routine, I turned off my lamp, trying to get some sleep, but with the raging thoughts in my mind, sleep was not easy to gain.

||||

"Ahmad, I think I'm going to faint." I spoke, holding my head in my hands, running my fingers through my hair in frustration.

Ahmad's voice was heard throughout my room as the phone was sitting on my desk on speaker. "Calm down, bro. Just be yourself." He advised me but I shook my head, bouncing my foot nervously on the ground.

"No, I'm actually going to faint." I repeated, meaning every word. Last night I wasn't this nervous. Last night was simply curiosity and excitement. Now, however, I was a nervous wreck. I felt a lump in my throat, I was sweating despite having had a shower, my heart felt like it was going into overdrive and I was probably going to faint.

"King, come on. You got this, man. Ayman's going to be there. Just imagine you're meeting with him."

"You think that makes me feel better, Ahmad?" I scoffed as I groaned, leaning my head back on the couch, looking out the window and into the backyard where the gardener was snipping away at some hedges, a sunhat on her head even though there was no sun.