The DarkNess Within Him | ✔

Chapter Thirty Three

My back presses itself to the hard wooden door, creating uncomfortable friction between the skin on my bones as I stare into the pits of darkness that is Matthew's eyes.

It glows, like feral torches of hell, it glows and a sliver of raw fear slides down the entirety of my spine against the door. I hold his gaze, despite my head wanting to duck away. Despite my body wanting to push him away from the cage he has created with his long arms against either side of me on the door.

"Matt, can we have this conversation later at night or tomorrow? Today really isn't a good day for ultimatums," I say, my words coming out plea-like and I realise that indeed, I am pleading.

He can't possibly make me choose. He just can't. A choice between Matthew and Kian is a choice between myself and my Alpha wolf. My wants and my pack's needs. I need time for such a thing. Especially after my rough conversation with Carter.

"You will choose." His bellow is low when he moves into my space about an inch, his face stopping so close to mine that if either of us is to move any closer, our lips would meet. "I will not share a woman, Mikayla. My mate's death by my very own hands is proof of that."

"This situation is very different and you know it!" I grit out defiantly as my eyes narrow, my fist beginning to clench at my thigh.

He narrows his own eyes at me, his darkened eyes becoming increasingly domineering as he does so. "You spend your days with him and your nights with me. I won't share you, Mikayla. You may have done it with that Mason guy but I won't do it with you."

"That situation was different!" I argue.

"Different? How was that situation different? Please tell me Mikayla! What's the difference between the both of us? You were with Mason at night just like I'm with you and during the day, he'd go off to gallivant with that girl just like you do with Kian! It's been a week and I'm fed up of putting up with it."

"You can't just make me choose! I'm between a rock and a hard place here, Matt. Please try and understand," I plead but his eyes remain firm in their need to coerce me. He wants clarity and he won't leave until I give it to him.

I always wanted Matthew's attention. Now that I have it six years later, I'm a few words away from stuffing it all up.

"Alpha or not, no woman will string me along," he grits out, words even more forceful that earlier causing me to sigh and lean back even harder against the door.

"You make it seem like we are together," is all I say with a tired expression. "Do you think I'm stupid enough to believe that just because you make space for me in your bed and please me with your lips, that you love me?"

He doesn't speak and I watch his eyes dull from pitch black to the darkest of browns. I feel the strain of his bones relaxing at both of my sides.

"I'm a grown woman, Matthew. I know the difference between love and pleasure. And I know you don't love me. Why? Because I don't love you either. Admittedly, I have feelings for you but it isn't love so tell me, how can you ask me to choose between someone I'm sure I could actually have a stable future with and you, who because you don't feel anything other than intense desire for me, could wake up any day and decide to leave me?"

I'm even shocked by my own words. My own insecurities playing on my train of thoughts and visible in everything I just said but yet, I don't regret it. Furrowing my brows at Matthew, I simply don't regret it. I need my very own clarity as well.

"How do you know that all I feel for you is desire?" He asks in a hollow way, his voice strained of its power. Lost of its will.

"I know it isn't love."