The Life of Me pt.1

June 16th 2017 6:30 pm

I've been writing and rewriting eight or six chapters in my second book. I'm nothing but a target at point-blank range from the person with a gun. They're always getting a bull's-eye. Never missing. I've changed my password so many times, and I changed my email password a few times as well. I hate that.
I wish I could just speak and this tablet would write down what I'm saying, I don't exactly like that thought, but I want to pace around in my room while speaking. Well I can do that, if my tablet's mic was good and didn't make my tablet lag for a few minutes before shutting down. Crappy free stuff, never works. Oh yeah, this tablet was free because my dad used his trucker points, or something like that, before he changed companies. He used said points to get two free tablets. And what's the catch with free electrical things? They never work. Most things free never work. Free food, food poisoning. Free toys, shards of plastic everywhere. Free car, lose control and crash into everything in you path. All of these are just examples of bad things. I think I have said this before, but if I hadn't then I'll say it now. I can't look at the positive side of things. I'm always doubtful of everything, always stuck knowing everything good will always end when you need that good to climb over the bad. I've always only seen the bad in things. I can't see the good. I've never seen the good. And everything bad always happens. Very rarely, like in RPGs the rarest kind of items is usually legendary, but I'm talking about the RPGs where the chance of getting anything legendary is a very low chance, like way under 1%. Like maybe 0.000000000000000056813% chance of legendary things to spawn. But yeah, good things for me are, and always have been that rare. So I only know how to look to the bad side of things, not the good. Why else would I know that all of you that say you will always be there for me will make my life worse before the start of the first day of highschool. I know you all will turn your backs, it's only natural for people to hate me. I won't care when you turn your backs, but when you do, I hope that you get a kick out of it. Have the time of your lives when you're making my life Hell. It's only natural for bad things to happen to me. How else would I not have any friends. Or trust anyone enough to rely on them to help me out when I need that help.
All of your promises saying you'll be there for me mean nothing to everyone. Not one promise has ever been kept, when it involves me. I know that because I've had many promises come to me in the past. And every one of them has never been kept. I make promises, and I keep them, even when people never keep their own, I keep mine. My… "family"… has never kept a promise to me before. And they all have made many promises to me, never keeping them is what they do, it's what you will do. You won't keep that promise that you'll be there for me. I already know this, and the false promises mean nothing to me. They mean nothing to anyone. I already know at the first chance you'll make my life hell. You'll push to end of your mind, never caring about me, never caring about what you will do to me. I already know this, so we'll just wait until that day comes. It only makes sense.
I just hope you get a big kick out of making me know life only gets worse. I hope you will have the time of your life.
The times when I need to talk to someone, it makes me hate myself. I write things like what I did just write when I need someone to talk to me, but if I had even the slightest bit of courage I wouldn't be writing the update at all, if only I had some courage then my life might have gone better. But then again I've only learned to see the bad in things. All that I've wrote above is true. No one has kept their promise to me, and no one ever will. I can only think up of a fake world where good things happen. I really need to talk to someone.