The Life of Me pt.1

Febuary 28th 2017 9:11 pm

I have an addiction.
An addiction to Tetris.
Yeah the game. What did you think I was going to say? Drugs? No, I have no intention on that. But, sorry I haven't written in a while. I've just been doing... other things. What kind of things? You may ask, well the feelings kind of things. I can't get this person out of my head, and it's this one moment when we were walking home when they saw a dead bunny in the street...
and I bursted out laughing. Not because of the bunny, NOT because of the bunny, argh, NOT because of the bunny. And when I say NOT I mean it. I can't shake that out of my head.
I think I know why I'm addicted to Tetris, and why I'm so good at it, and I mean an average of four hundred thousand point a run, that actually really hard! For most people, but not for me. I guess the reason why I'm good at it is, well, that I'm dealing with myself every time. Like the 2x2 square, let's say that's my kindness. I can fit it anywhere on the playing field, and I can barely effect me. Since to a lot of people I'm so kind that I can fit it anywhere in my life. And it won't effect me. But anyway, I think the reason I play Tetris is because it gets rid of my feelings, but the feelings that can't be express, like let's say love, are left behind. Like the six different pieces are different things. One is kindness, honesty, respect, everything that relates to being able to explain what it is. But loneliness, I can't explain it. You can, but that's because you haven't felt it. You haven't lived it. All your saying is the actual definition, not what it means to people. Like a loner, it's definition is "a person who prefers not to associate with others." But what it means is someone who can't express themselves to anyone, and won't talk to anyone, not even about what had just happened. Well, that's about me, I don't know about any other loners.
I guess this feeling is guilt or, hehe, look at me. Unable to speak to people, but can write about his life as if I can talk. I'm stupid, I'm a big moron. This feeling is grief or guilt or something that is both of them. And it's all because of Tetris. It's a addictive game, but to me, it gets me to do... well... this... write in a stupid book like thing. At times I hate my life (What would one thing you'd love to change in the past? Answer by chatting). I'd change that moment, I said it earlier in case you don't remember what it is I'm talking about. 9:29. Wow, I've been writing for 18 minutes. And this is barely reaching 500 words. 11 more to go, no make that 4, 3, you get what I mean. But if this were a good story, like Battle of the Pures I've written probably a couple hundred words. But that's how much I just wrote. Anyway, I barely got any sleep. I think three two hours. That's nearly the maximum nowadays. I'll go to sleep at 2:00 then wake up at 5:00 and won't get out of bed, until it starts to hurt, staying in my bed, or it get close to noon.
During that time, I'd try to go back to sleep. It doesn't work. Yay, now I'm listening to Pain, by Three Days Grace. And I'm writing about my pain inside of me. Ironic, I think. Anyway I'm signing off for tonight. Hopefully anyway. 9:35 pm. Writing for 24 minutes go me.