The Loser in the End--The Sequel

Roger's Admission

"We need to talk..."

Roger's words hung like death in the quiet bedroom.

You felt cold inside.  No one ever said "We need to talk" and then deliver good news--it was always bad.  And Roger's expression was so serious...

"Come sit next to me," he said quietly.

  Your heart was racing in fear as you went and sat down next to him.

You wanted to tell him to shut up and not say anything.  Whatever it was, you didn't want to know...didn't need to know.  You wanted to block it out and pretend nothing was happening, and everything was just fine.  What you didn't know couldn't hurt you...

"I ran into Brian and Ava when I went to dinner with Freddie the other night..." he began.

"Oh..." you said, feeling relief. "Why didn't you tell me? No wonder you've been upset. I know he did some really crappy things to us, but you can't keep hanging onto it..."

"That's not all..." he said, interrupting your nervous chatter.  "Let me finish."

"What else is there?" you said with dread.

"They weren't alone...Debbie was with them..."

"...Debbie?  Why on earth was she with them?"

Roger told you how Brian had been hospitalized for depression, and how he wanted to apologize to them all for his actions.  Freddie had been the only one sympathetic toward his plight. 

Brian had also brought a copy of those incriminating photos and gave them to Roger, swearing he no longer had the negatives, nor did he have any other copies.  He had already shown Debbie the date that was on the back of them.  May, 1985...

Two months before Roger and Debbie had even become a couple...

The reality of what Roger was telling you hit you like a ton of bricks.  Roger hadn't cheated on Debbie afterall.  This changed everything...

Roger went on to tell you how he and Debbie had talked deep into the night, and together they had thrown the photos into the sea.  She revealed to him how she had never quite gotten over him, and how she had wanted to contact him so many times, but her pride wouldn't let her.  And now, with this new knowledge that in fact he hadn't cheated on her with Freddie, they both felt their breakup was even more tragic.  It was one of those things that should have never happened...

"I know I should've told you before now," Roger said, looking down at his hands.  "I just needed time to think..."

"Roger..." you said with a trembling voice, "What are you saying exactly..."

"I love you," Roger said earnestly.  "And because I love you, I have to be honest with you.  I still have feelings for Debbie.  Deep feelings."

You just sat there, pale and silent.  This was worse than a simple fling with Freddie.  Much worse...

"I can't go into a marriage with you while I still have feelings for her.  It wouldn't be fair to you," he said.  "I don't want to lose you, but  I know I can't expect you to just wait around while I sort through my feelings.  I've given this a lot of thought, and I feel I owe it to Debbie to explore our relationship again..."

Roger continued talking, but by now you had tuned him out.  You knew he was in turmoil--you could see the pain on his face and hear it in his voice.  You knew he loved you and he didn't want to hurt you.  But you were utterly devastated. 

"Talk to me," Roger pleaded.  "Say something...anything..."

But you couldn't speak.  What was there to say?  The tears that had been welling in your eyes now slowly slid down your cheeks, and he pulled you close against his chest.

"I'm so sorry..." he said sincerely as he kissed away your tears.

Sure, you could scream and cry, call him names and make him feel even worse, but what would be the point?  He had been so good to you.  Freddie had told you how destroyed Roger was when Debbie had left him, and he had the right to see if they could now recapture their romance.

You clung to the warmth of his body, and his lips automatically found yours.  You slipped your robe off, offering him your body--not in a desperate plea to keep him, more in a way of letting him know you loved him too.  Soon, the two of you were making love.  Perhaps for the very last time...

Afterwards, you laid your head on his smooth chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat and treasuring the moment.

"I never wanted to hurt you..." he murmured.  "You have to believe me."

You did believe him, and you respected his honesty and integrity.  But that didn't change the fact your whole world had just been turned completely upside down...