The Loser in the End--The Sequel

Dark Thoughts

"Let's get married..."

You couldn't quite believe your ears.  Your mind was whirling. The man you loved had just asked you to marry him.   To be his wife was all you ever really wanted. Those were the words you had been dreaming of hearing for so long...

And yet, now that you'd heard them, it didn't feel right...

"Freddie...I...I can't..." you choked.

Freddie looked dumbstruck.  "I don't understand.  I thought that's what you wanted..."

"It was...it is..." you said quietly.  "But not this way...not like this, with everything so up in the air..."

If things were different--if Roger wasn't involved, if Ava wasn't pregnant--you'd be jumping for joy right now.  But it felt like Freddie was proposing out of desperation.

"So then you're saying no?" Freddie asked, disconcerted.

"I want to say yes, Freddie.  I'd love to..." tears began to roll down your cheeks.  "But how can I with everything that's going on?"

Freddie sat quietly with his head in his hands.  In his heart, he knew you were right.  He knew this would be no way to start a marriage.  He took marriage seriously--it wasn't something he would go into lightly.  But he didn't want to lose you, either.

Just then, Roger cried out to Freddie from his bedroom.  He'd just awoken from a nightmare, and he was frightened.

Freddie instinctively jumped up, but then he looked at you, unsure of what to do.  He didn't want to just leave in the middle of this really important conversation.

"Go on, Freddie," you said.  "Go to him.  He needs you..."

You could hear Freddie and Roger talking quietly from the bedroom as Freddie tried to comfort him. 

"Tell me the story about how we first met again, Freddie,"  Roger murmured.

"Ok, baby," Freddie indulged the blond, and sat on his bed.

He'd told Roger the story dozens of times before, but Roger never grew tired of it, and it always seemed to comfort him.

You heard Freddie's melodic voice easing Roger back to sleep.  And it was at that moment you realized what you knew to be true: You needed Freddie.  You needed him desperately.  But Roger needed him even more...

After making sure Roger was sound asleep, Freddie padded back out into the living room.  He looked at you with deep sadness in his beautiful dark eyes.  His life was in such turmoil, you couldn't walk out on him now.  But you didn't know if you had the strength to stay with him, either.  Neither of you brought up the marriage proposal.  It was off the table now.  Had you made the right decision by saying no?  Should you have jumped at the chance, regardless of the circumstances?

"Everything's fucked, isn't it," Freddie said wearily.

There was really nothing you could say to make him feel better, especially since you agreed with him.  Everything was fucked.

"Freddie, we're exhausted," you said quietly.  "Let's just go to sleep."

By the time you'd gotten ready for bed and slipped under the sheets, Freddie was already in there, fast asleep.  He unconsciously cuddled up to you, and you stared into the mirror over the bed.  As you looked up at your reflection,  a disturbing thought suddenly entered your head...

How many more nights would you be able to share with Freddie in this bed?  And then your thoughts turned even darker...

Freddie had probably fucked Roger in this bed.  But worse than that, this was probably the bed where Ava's baby was conceived...