The Loser in the End--The Sequel

An Old Friend

Freddie went home and dejectedly poured himself a large vodka. With all that had gone on, he'd completely forgotten Brian had punched him in the face, but now he could feel it. He looked in the mirror and saw quite a black eye developing. Oh well, he thought, it doesn't matter. Nothing really matters at this point...

He took the photos of him and Roger out of his pocket and looked through them.  He wasn't sure where the photos had been taken, other than they were taken somewhere on the last tour.  At that point in their relationship, he and Roger  weren't really together anymore.  As such, they were no longer exclusive with each other, and Roger would only come to his room occasionally.  Freddie was too weak to turn the blond down, and Roger knew it.

 It was never just about sex with Freddie and Roger though--it was so much more than that. They were friends, and they actually liked and respected each other. They felt safe with one another, and yes, sometimes Roger came to his room seeking companionship and affection. The sex was just a bonus, and they instinctively knew how to please each other.

Were Roger and Debbie even together at that point?  Freddie wasn't sure, as he didn't really know exactly when they got together.  All he knew was Brian had managed to turn something sweet and beautiful into something ugly and lewd.  And it really hurt when Brian had said the photos were disgusting.  How could he say such a thing about the love he and Roger shared?

After looking at the photos and reminiscing for several moments, Freddie got up and hastily tossed them into the fire.  They quickly went up into flames, just like his life...

What did the future hold for him now?  Without the band, without Roger...without a love of his own...what would become of him?  Too late, he realized he'd made a big mistake by destroying those photos.  At least if he had them, he could show them to you.  Maybe then you'd believe everything he'd been saying was true.  It's just one of the many mistakes he'd made lately, he thought to himself...

He had to get out.  The walls of his apartment were closing in on him. He couldn't just sit around feeling sorry for himself--he'd go insane.  So he decided to go to a bar down the street.

Freddie scanned the room, looking for a familiar face.  In the corner, he saw someone he recognized--Nick Rhodes.  So he decided to just go over and just say hello.  He had no intention of taking him home or anything like that--he just needed a friend.  But Nick was having none of it.

"Don't even think about it," Nick said coldly, turning his back.

Nick was still pissed-off at him, and Freddie couldn't really blame him.  He understood how degraded Nick had felt when Freddie had called him Roger.

This has to be the worst night of my life, Freddie thought.  At this point, he was thinking he should've just stayed home and drowned himself in alcohol.

But then a familiar voice called his name through the crowd.

"Freddie!"

It was David Bowie, and Freddie had never been happier to see him than he was at that moment.  

The two old friends embraced, and then David immediately noticed his black eye, though the lighting in the bar was dim.

"Whoa, what happened to you?" he asked.

"Long story," Freddie replied.

"I've got plenty of time," David said.  "Come on, let's go somewhere more quiet where we can catch up.  I haven't seen you in years!"

They took their drinks upstairs to one of the private rooms, where Freddie told David the whole sordid, ugly story.  He could talk to David in a way he couldn't talk to John or even Roger.  David was far enough removed from the situation where Freddie didn't feel the need to hold back. 

"Jesus, Freddie," David said sympathetically after Freddie finished.  "I hate to say it, but I'm not surprised.  I always knew there was something wrong with Brian, and it was only a matter of time before he cracked."

"Yeah," Freddie sighed. "I guess you're right. I just didn't want to see it. And everything was going so well until lately."

David expressed his surprise that you and Brian were now living together.

"I can't really see the two of them together," he said.  " I always thought that you and she would somehow get back together at some point," he said.

"Well, that's just another thing I fucked up, isn't it," Freddie lamented.

"Do you think she still loves you?" he inquired.

"I thought she did, but Brian seems to have some kind of hold on her."

"Do you still love her?" David said, taking a drag from his cigarette.

"I never stopped..." Freddie admitted.