The Loser in the End--The Sequel

Freddie's Thoughts

Freddie soon returned to London and threw himself into his work. He began working on a solo album, and he kept himself so busy he had no time to think about what he'd lost. But in the wee hours, his memories haunted him...

He had gotten over his initial anger with Roger, and he really missed his friendship.  He had an unbreakable bond with the blond--something that few people could understand.  They would always be friends, no matter what. Often he was tempted to call the drummer, just to hear his voice.  But he didn't know what to say.  Besides, what if you answered the phone?  He was still really hurt by your decision, and he had no desire to speak with you at all. 

Why couldn't you understand he just needed more time?  Didn't you realize marriage was something he took very seriously?  When he married, it would be forever.  That's why he had to be one hundred percent sure there were no unresolved issues between the two of you that would cause problems.  And by issues, he meant Roger.  You had always been so worried about his feelings for Roger, when in reality, it was your  feelings for the blond that had fucked things up this time.  You had dumped him for Roger, and he found that terribly hypocritical of you.  He thought he had known you better than that...

Perhaps relationships just weren't for him, he thought, even though it was the one thing he wanted most at this point in his life. Relationships only brought heartache in the end. And so he engaged in a series of one-night-stands. It was just emotionless sex, nothing more. It was safer that way, because there was no chance for any emotional attachment. He found himself lost, and without hope. All the fame and wealth in the world couldn't make him happy. The one thing that made him happy had run away...with his best friend no less...

The album the band had been recording while in  New York was released, and the sales were really impressive. But even this didn't bring Freddie any joy, as he felt so many people were buying it simply because the band had broken-up.  And the saddest part was he wasn't wrong...

The truth is, although the album was good, it wasn't really up to par as far as Freddie was concerned, mostly because of all the personal drama the band was going through at the time.  It was distressing for Freddie to realize their very last album together wasn't as great as it should have been.  That just added to his feelings of personal dissatisfaction.

But at least he wasn't emotionally fragile like Brian.  He would muddle through somehow, someway.  He had always managed, and this time was no different.  He didn't want to be petty or bitter about the way things had turned out.  If Roger was happy with you, Freddie would find a way to be happy for him.

But he wasn't so forgiving of you.  Not at all...