Reflections - Review Requests

52. Finding Love (LB)

Author : JoanJonie

Genre : Love Ballad

Reviewer : fanna-tastic

An arranged marriage proposal that forces two total strangers to try and get to know each other - and possibly fall in love. Unless the ending takes an entirely different path (which I can't comment on since I haven't read the entire book), the story doesn't appear to break the usual romance cliches.

The title is short and sweet; clearly tells the readers what they are getting into, even about the genre they are diving for. The description isn't something you have to necessarily work on but maybe you can aim for something that's more creative and distinct. The three lines give away most of the plot but stating whether it's a good thing or bad would be contradictory, since it's good that the readers know enough about your book to actually start reading and maybe it's not good if the readers don't read because they already know enough about it. I would suggest writing a more balanced summary or find someone who can help you with the same.

The plot isn't so cliche breaking with a seventeen year old girl living a plush life - plush enough to have the maid actually bathe and dress her - is asked to marry a mysterious boy who does pique her interest eventually. And of course, the proposal is set up by the parents with the children having no say in it. Editing is strongly recommended because even though some dialogues are flexible and realistic, the missing punctuation or unnecessary commas distract me from enjoying them. Also, be careful with typos because they again, drift the readers away.

One thing I noticed in your writing is the abrupt passage you add to tell your readers about the setting or appearance. Now don't get me wrong, telling and showing are both equally important but you need to understand where to use what. If the presence of a couch is important to your plot and you can't show it to the readers without mentioning the hundred other unnecessary objects surrounding it, you can just tell the readers about it. But knowing what the MC looks like is important for the plot and that's when you show the readers her cracked lips and pale green eyes.

Now the best thing about your story is the male lead - Jason Jackson. He surprised me by not being the mainstream arrogant, mysterious bad boy; instead he's a perfect gentleman with a mysterious aura. Jason's different personality is a cliche-breaker, no doubt and I hope later on in the story, you justify the mysterious air with a unique backstory. Also, the poem was absolutely fantastic!

All in all, the story requires a full proof editing and maybe some surprising events to spice up the already expected. Just a little bit of changes and I'm sure nothing can stop your book from hitting huge goals because it definitely has some great potential!