Reflections - Review Requests

23. Until You (LB)

Author: JasminAMiller

Genre: a love ballad

Reviewed by: lastjanuary

Your cover:
It's really pretty. I love the image and the font you've used, they all blend together perfectly and relates to the story. It's a magnetic cover that instantly draws in a potential reader. I'll give it a solid 9/10.

Your summary:
Perfect! It wasn't too long or too short, and it didn't give away too much as some blurbs do. It just gave enough to hook in a reader and ends on a very thought-provoking question. Another 9/10.

Your plot:

Without too much of a spoiler, I'm going to say it was wonderful. The story of Riley and Liv may seem cliche at the beginning, but it's nothing like that when you read on.

Riley's expected to be the disturbed "bad boy" with no depth to his character, but in Riley, he has a reason for every action he takes. His relationship with Liv doesn't just blow up out of nowhere, it's a very gradual process that keeps pulling your readers along with the story.

Another 9/10 for such a great plot.

Needs work:

While your story-telling technique is good, you still have a problem with the show, don't tell thing. It's understandable for a new author, such as yourself, but it needs consideration and clarification. I'll give you the advice I was given some time ago; space out your sentences , and avoid the repetitive "I did this...then I did that."

Describe the scenes properly. What's obvious in the background? What makes the place what it is? What can be seen? Any little detail that can add more life to a scene.

Also, I think Liv still has to be developed properly. Unlike Riley, she doesn't have a reason for most actions she takes. She's too soft and fragile, over-thinks things. Unless that's how she's meant to be portrayed, I think you should work on her.

Conclusion:

I love your story, I really do. There are just a few things to fix and it's good to go. I recommend this story to everyone who likes a good chicklit, romance story. You won't be disappointed, and maybe, you'll love Riley like I do.

I hope this was helpful.