Separated: 5SOS BSM

78. You Die (his POV) - Ashton

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, squeezing me gently.

I sighed and returned the gesture, slowly allowing my own arms to raise and wrap around him as well until we were hugging properly.

My words didn't come as easily though, and it wasn't until he started to pull away that I found the courage to speak.

"I don't know what I'm going to do," I admitted, swallowing thickly and then turning to gaze back into the room. To look at her laying there.

"Hey," Alex again demanded my full attention, I snapped my neck back around so that I could look into his eyes. There was a deep sincerity buried there, and an apology swimming around with the tears. "I can't imagine what you're going through right now, but I'm here for you bro," he reassuringly patted my back in an almost paternal kind of way before backing up completely.

"Thank you," I choked out, nodding at him. My eyes were starting to fill with tears. Probably due to the fact that it was really sinking in that Y/N was really hurt, but also from the sheer amount of sincerity and compassion that was being shown to me.

Alex smiled warmly back. But afterwords we were left in a kind of limbo. The conversation had ended, and yet we were both standing in the hallway. It was so quiet that if I strained my ears I could hear the soft beeping noise of Y/N's heart monitor, the comfortable and predictable rhythm reminded me that she was still here.

But the ICU didn't remain quiet for long. Only a few seconds later a tone went off by the desk.

"CODE BLUE! ROOM 37!" One of the nurses yelled, already moving down the opposite side of the hallway. I watched in a kind of horrified fascination as a line of people in scrubs all jogged down to the room, rushing in with a cart that had, what I assumed to be, a defibrillator on it.

"CLEAR!" Came the muffled yell of someone inside.

"Ashton," Alex again pulled me back. I needed to get ahold of myself and stop letting my mind wander. I hoped that it was just the shock of it all and that I wasn't actually losing my mind. Blinking profusely, I tried to shake off the disoriented feeling as I again looked back at Alex. "Do you want to go talk to your Mom?" He asked, pointing in the direction of the door to your room.

I nearly recoiled. Talking to her would mean going inside. Being next to you. It would make it all so much more real.

"Am I allowed to?" I swallowed back some tears, but a few rogue drops of water still cascaded down my face.

"Yeah, no more than two visitors though," he shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged, "I've already been in."

I used the palms of my hands to roughly push away the excess moisture clinging to my face while I thought. On one hand, I was scared. But on the other hand, I wanted to be able to see Y/N, and talk to my Mum.

"Yeah," I finally nodded, "okay."

"Good," Alex smiled a little and nodded also.

I moved toward the door and took in a deep breath, this was the moment of truth. My hands trembled slightly, but I managed to get a good grip on the handle and pull the door open.

Mum looked up when I stepped inside. Unlike me, her tears flowed freely. She clearly had bigger things to worry about than showing emotions.