I Need To Change

Chapter 68

Never so quickly did I expect my world to come tumbling down like the way it did. Never did I imagine my heart being snatched out of me and broken like the way it was. Never in my life would I expect to hear the shit that I heard. Never. I was lost. I was lost for words and thoughts. I felt so out of my head. So out of this world. I literally felt so lost and that was the first time in my life I ever felt so lost. Of course I had dealt with heartbreaks before, but this situation hit so differently than any other situation I had ever been in because I was in love. I was in love with the devil himself.

There I was in Cabo dealing with the worst heartbreak I had ever experienced. You could've never told me no shit like this would happen to me. You could've never told me that Chres would do this to me. That whole week I literally was in a state of shock. In a state of confusion and betrayal. The first day there I swear I just questioned that whole thing, trying to figure out if that was a dream or not. I know the words had came out his own mouth, but I just wasn't ready to accept it. I just wasn't ready to believe that out of everyone Chres had betrayed me like that. Had played me like that.

I had been cheated on before, but never did a nigga have a baby on me. Never did a man carelessly go stick their dick and some girl and impregnate her. And to know Chres did that killed me inside. Hearing him say that that was his baby definitely sent emotions through me. Had me hurt. From all the pictures I had seen I knew the baby wasn't a new born which made me believe that Chres could've got that girl pregnant before he got with me and just didn't tell me about it. But when he said that the baby was 11 months is what killed me. Chres and I were basically together for two years at that point. Which meant he cheated on me. When and where, I don't know, but he definitely did cheat on me with his ex and got her pregnant. Not only that, but he didn't tell me about it at all.

I was so hurt because I never felt so blinded before in my life. I never felt played like that before. I literally had all my guards down. I was open. I truly believed that he was the perfect man. That he was all I could ask for. I thought he was loyal and loving me unconditionally, but the whole time he was playing me behind closed doors. Being the snake I never guessed him to be. I had time to sit on that situation all that week and it still didn't make sense to me. I didn't understand when he had the time to cheat. We were with each other 24/7, so I was lost as fuck. I didn't understand why he even cheated on me in the first place. He swore he loved me so much and I was everything he ever hoped for me, but he cheated on me and for his ex pregnant. I swear, none of that made sense and the more I thought on it, the more hurt I felt.

Throughout that whole week, there hadn't been a day that passed that my phone wasn't going off. From social media and multiple people texting and calling me. Right after I found out the news, the internet did as well and boy was it a mess from there. This story was literally everywhere along with me. Every blog, every website, every news source had this story posted. Making sure everyone knew that my man had cheated on me and had a baby. I was so hurt and embarrassed. That was the first time I was ever thrown into the media like that and I couldn't handle if. I literally didn't know what to do myself.  All I had the desire to do is cry and scream because I felt like I was dying inside. Like I was dying internally.

It's crazy because this relationship made me realize how much power a man could have over a woman. How he can affect her mentally, physically, and emotionally. When Chres did this to me, I literally felt dead inside. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know what my next move should be or if I should even make a next move. That man had me literally so lost and there is no reason why I should've let a man take control of my mind, thoughts, feelings and my overall life like that.

"Dani."I heard a knock at my door, but I didn't bother to get up. I continued to lay face down on the bed with tears damn near drowning me.

I could feel the multiple presences as I heard my door swing open. I knew it was the girls making their way into the room, but I still didn't bother to get up. They knew what I was going through just like everyone else. The moment Chres told me that news, I lost it. I mean lost it. I started to yell and cry so loudly, falling to the floor. That immediately got the girls attention making them run back to me. I just broke down from there. Broke down the worst I had ever broke down before.