Who I am {Phil Lester}

chapter 28.

(a/n: hey! there's only a few more chapters til the end of this book, so i'll give those chapters my all. hope you enjoy! also i'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN NEARLY A MONTH AAAAA )

KIM'S POV;

"Kim? Kim! Are you okay?"

I groaned, rubbing my eyes and sitting up. I saw a very concerned PJ in front of me. His mouth was moving, but I could barely hear the words coming out.

I did the first thing that came to mind. I ran. I ran, out of the room, out of the building and into my car. I drove away, from my home, from everything I ever owned in that place, from PJ.

I was running away from everything.

Finally, about 10 minutes later, I reached the pub. It almost felt like I was coming back to my real home, though not quite. I got out of the car, and stumbled into the pub. I got my ID out to show the guy outside, and he let me in.

I drank. I drank so much, and I can only remember snippets of what happened.

Sweaty bodies colliding. Drinks spilling over from red cups. Music being played. Couples, and even people who were absolute strangers to each other, were shoving their tongues down each other's throats. It was disgusting.

Basically, it was all like a normal, cliché party with alcohol.

"The strongest one you have, thanks," was the only thing I said once I caught the bartender's attention. "Keep them coming," was the last thing I said.

I think I drank too much. I remember drinking some strong substance and being dragged into a bedroom. For a second, I thought that I saw a familiar bed of lilac hair. I will probably never know whether I was imagining it or if Indie was actually there. At the same party as me. Watching over me. Like always.

I think I did something bad. I don't remember doing anything against it. I remember feeling some sort of pleasure, but I wasn't able to pinpoint the type of pleasure I actually felt.

But it was certainly the best but worst time of my life. I came here to drink and be happy, but it turns out only one half was achieved.

I was still feeling terrible and sad, and starting to feel a bit dizzy.

I could almost hear Indie saying, "Christ, Kim. No more drinking- none at all. We're getting out of this madhouse."

So I did. I got out of there. Just like Indie would have wanted me to. Even I wanted to get out of there already.

I got into my car. A faint whisper in my head could be heard. "Don't do it," it whispered. I think I was going crazy, because it sounded like Indie. Exactly like Indie.

I didn't listen to the the voice. In fact, I completely ignored it. I didn't want to bring back memories of her- Indie, I mean. It brought me pain, but then at the same time, I didn't care anymore. It was a bit complicated.

I shook the thought of Indie out of my head, and started up the car. I pulled out and into the road, not crashing into anyone, though I was pretty close I think from the beeping I heard.

I drove a few meters, kilometers, even miles until I reached the highway. I was just an emotionless robot driving through the streets, whilst my mind was out of control and completely taken over by alcohol and I think what was drugs, maybe.

I wasn't really counting on an accident, but you don't always get what you want.

And this certainly wasn't my lucky night when I saw a car speeding in my direction.