Who I am {Phil Lester}

chapter 21.

A/N: I'm not so sure what's happening with the plot of this anymore, oh dear.

INDIE'S POV;

Isolated. Protected. Numb.

That's all I could feel, circling around a never ending cycle.

I missed Phil.

I missed Kyle.

I missed Kim.

I was lonely. Oh, so lonely.

Guilt stayed consistent on my mind. The guilt of hurting Phil. He didn't deserve to have been yelled at. He didn't deserve any of this I had put him through. I didn't deserve him. I always ended up hurting someone one way or another; he deserved someone better than me. Someone who could give him the world. Someone who could brighten up his day without even realising they were doing so. Someone who isn't me.

It had rained non stop for a week now. Typical England. The ground was sodden with muddy rain water, and the air filled with a murky damp moist aroma.

I glanced out of the window laced with condensation. Tugging the sleeve of my jumper around my hand, I rubbed away some of it, just enough to see out across the city dotted with gleaming lights against the fog.

I looked down on the street with tiny ant people lurking below. I imagined what they were doing and why they were here in London. Because of family? Grown up here? New job? Who knows.

It was the first time I'd been home since..Kyle. I hadn't even dared to enter his room, let alone my own. I just stayed in the living room. I ate in the living room, I slept in the living room and I didn't leave the living room.

Everything was starting to crash down and I didn't know how to hold it up any longer. I wasn't as strong as I once was. I was weaker.

A/N: sorry it's so so sooo short, I have a lil' bit of writers block at the moment