Who I am {Phil Lester}

chapter 18.

AN: Ahhh, please don't hate me for not posting in a billion years

PHIL'S POV;

She looked so strong when she was asleep; when all that could be heard was the gentle beating of her heart, not broken and weak. When all that could be seen was her eyelids rested closed, without the red stinging veins which glazed her deep brown eyes. When all the could be felt was her chest softly rising and falling against my chest in time with her breath. I wanted her to stay this way forever.

As quietly and motionless as I could manage I slipped away from the covers and tiptoed over towards the door. I glanced back over her pale curled up body, only to be reminded that when she woke, she wouldn't be as peaceful minded as she was now.

INDIE'S POV;

The truth stung. It felt as though I was tangled amongst a thorn bush which towered high above me and the only way to escape was to plough through it.

I lay motionless, crumpled tightly into a ball under the sheets, staring blankly at the chest of draws opposite. My mind wanted my eyes to stay shut tightly, but my body had a different approach.

After a good 10 minutes of pondering about the universe and what the point of living on this pathetic planet was, I lazily edged myself to a sitting position. I stretched out, every joint in my body aching madly. Carefully, I tugged my fingers through my greasy hair, crinkling my face up as I yanked through knots and clumps of colourless lilac strands of hair. After, I rubbed my face over, the palms of my hands turning a streaky black from leftover makeup.

I glanced over at the mirror which lay on the wall to my left. My roots were showing a good inch of dark brown adding to the greasy look of it. Rolling my eyes, I gathered all the energy I could possibly consume and pulled myself out of the warm pit of duvet and plodded aimlessly towards the living room where clatters of cutlery could be heard exploding out of the door to the kitchen.

"Morning!" Phil sang out from the kitchen followed by another clang of pans.

"I think you mean afternoon," Dan said, slumped over on the sofa as he mindlessly clicked away at the laptop, "how are you feeling?"

I glanced up at the clock on the shelf full of video games and DVDs. 2:30.

"I'm so sorry, I must've overslept," I croaked as if my vocal chords hadn't been used in days and tried to avoid answering Dan's question as I waw pretty sure if I did, I'd just spill out my whole life to him.

"No, it's fine, honestly, Phil's making pancakes, so be prepared for burnt charcoal," Dan chuckled lightly as he glanced up at me from the screen every so often.

I forced a smile, not wanting to become a burden.

"Speak of the devil," Dan chuckled as Phil waltzed in holding three plates with pancakes balanced carefully on top, smothered with golden syrup. The thought of food made my stomach churn with sickness.

"They actually look edible! Thank you Phil!" Dans eyes lit up as the sarcasm flowed like a fluent language off his tongue.

"Shut up Dan," he smiled as he plopped a plate on the cushioned seat next to his scrunched up posture.

"One for Indie-" Phil sung, carefully handing over the plate to me.

"And one for me," he finished, taking a bite of the pancake.

I gulped back the tight lump at the back of my throat as I watched a drop of sickly sweet syrup gloop down the side of the pancake. The light dusting of sugar which glazed the top of the pancake made it almost look sparkly. A sickly, tacky sparkly.

I tore a piece off the sweetened mess and reluctantly popped it into my mouth. A choking, gagging feeling filled my airways as I swallowed the bit of pancake.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," I blubbered, tossing the plate next to me and sprinted towards the door.

"Wait..!" Phils voice rung out after me.

I quickly pulled my tattered old black vans on, treading down the backs of the heel as I sped out the door. The air was humid and thick, choking me even more than I already was. Summer was approaching, but it felt as though the season had just turned to winter. When everything got covered in a layer of pure white crystal snow and icicles were strung along the tops of windows and walls.

I loved winter. Just as much as I loved being with Kyle.