Who I am {Phil Lester}

chapter 12.

PHIL'S POV;

I arrived just in time to watch the bright fluorescent paramedics dart inside the dull gloomy tall block of flats towering above us. The blinding flash of the blue light sliced into my eyes as I sprinted over towards the entrance. My heart thudded quietly under my blue checkered shirt as I got closer and closer towards indies apartment.

Guilt rushed over me as I remembered how much I had been trying to avoid her. Was this because I had avoided her? Or was it because I didn't avoid her sooner?

Or maybe I shouldn't think of myself in this situation.

With the last thought bubbling furiously in my head, I quickly flung the door open.

"Indie?" I bellowed from the bottom of the stairs.

No reply.

I didn't want to waste any more time and frantically sped up the stairs, double stepping the worn out carpeted steps as I did so.

The landing was damp and the first thought the rushed into my head was blood. Hastily I glanced down, relieved that it was only water.

Suddenly I clapped eyes on the bright purple mess of hair.

"Indie," I called out through the bustle of paramedics.

Her face was covered from top to bottom with tears and here eyes left a raw bright red. Her legs were bare because of the loose grey pyjama shorts and an oversized baggy black muse shirt hung on her shoulders and down her waist. Her nails were being frantically bitten down as one of the nurses was trying to sooth her and calm her down.

Her head darted in my direction just as I frantically strode over towards her.

"Phil, I don't know what to do. I don't know what happened. I just want it all to end!" she rambled on through sharp breaths and sobs as I engulfed her into a tight, reassuring embrace. I wrapped my arms around her fragile broken body, for the first time in a month, holding her pieces back together.

She buried her head into my chest, sobbing her heart out whilst her dainty soft hands covered her mouth in an attempt to stop the cries leaping out in sharp inhales.

"Shhh, it'll be alright," I soothed, caressing her back with the palm of my hand whilst cradling her fluffy head in my other.

I gently rested my chin onto her shuddering shoulder, feeling her rapid breath collide with my own calmer breath.

I stood there, gently holding her weak body so she wouldn't collapse onto the soggy floor. The stretcher reappeared from out of the bathroom, the lifeless cold body of Kyle laying on top of it, one arm resting on his stomach whilst the other hung down, swaying slightly as the two men carried him briskly out.

I gently took hold of Indie's soft dainty hand and encased it tightly in my own as we proceeded down the stairs, following behind with the nurse dressed in a deep navy blue who was comforting her before I came in.

Indie shakily slipped on some black tattered vans which were almost falling apart, not bothering to lace them up as she intertwined our fingers again.

Even clasped in my own hand, she shook like a leaf. I gently pulled her body closer to mine wrapping a secure arm around her waist as we proceeded out into the icy blast of gloomy rain. Her shuddering continued, stronger as we stood motionless on the concrete curb, watching them carefully but quickly place the stretcher inside. Whilst the paramedics continued to roll Kyle's body into the ambulance, I slipped my jacket off and draped it around Indie's frozen body, gently tucking her lilac hair behind her ear and slipping my hand into hers again, reassuringly.

The nurse dressed in navy blue approached us and with a sorrowful look plastered across every inch of her tanned face.

"Your brother is going to be taken to hospital and put under intensive care. You have the choice of riding in the back with him or travelling in a vehicle of your own."

With that she smiled sympathetically and wandered back towards the paramedics car parked in front of the bright fluorescent ambulance.

"What do you want to do, Indie?" I asked her, squeezing her hand gently.

"Go with Kyle," she breathed out, pulling me along towards the back of the ambulance.

"If you're sure," I sympathetically smiled at her pale, colourless emotionless face.

The whole painstaking journey was silent and dead. No one spoke, the only sound which could be heard was the roar of the traffic and the loud screech of the siren.

Indie and I continued to keep our fingers interlocked until we reached the hospital.

Kyle was rushed into theatre whilst we impatiently and worriedly waited, hunched over each other in the waiting room.

Indie lay tucked up on one of the chairs, her soft dainty head resting upon my chest whilst my arm, wrapped around her, tucked her closer to me. As her arm slid itself under my back, her tiny hand grasped hold of the material of my shirt. Her other hand, softly resting on my stomach.

Her eyelids rested shut and her peaceful sleepy chest rose and fell in time with her breaths. All the heartbreak and pain had disappeared from her soft innocent face apart from her lips, which stayed tightly shut in a downturned position. Her wavy lilac hair lay sprawled in long matted strands, falling down her cheeks and across my chest.

She was utterly beautiful.