Let The Sky Fall (Synyster Gates Series: Book 3)

Home Sweet Hope

My brother made a facial expression towards Sophia that reminded me of my mom and that's when I remembered one of the reasons why I had came. It stabbed me like a knife in my stomach... "So, how's mom today?" 

Randy took a deep breath becoming a bit uneasy with my question, "She's doing okay. She had her treatment yesterday so she's been resting. I was just over there and she told me to come get you guys because she's afraid you guys might get lost going to their home. So, now I'm here. Whenever you guys are ready." 

Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever be ready. Who'd be ready to see their parent terminally ill, in pain and suffering? No one... 

As we reached the door, I couldn't help but feel my insides tie themselves in a bunch, making it almost impossible to breathe. Brian noticed and took a hold of my hand, carrying Sophia in the other. 

Randy opened the door, letting the familiar Christmas smell of apples and cinnamon fill my nose; just like every Christmas season at the Baker home. He raised his finger to his lips, waving us in. 

My eyes met my mom's in a matter of seconds. I first took notice in her droopy eyes, then her weak smile. "Hi sweetie." 

"Hi mom." Randy answered, removing his jacket then giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead. 

She coughed out a frail laugh, "I was actually talking to your sister."

"So rude," He joked opening the blinds from the bay window giving the room a fluorescent glow. 

I felt scared-- Seeing my mom sick made me want to give her my health so badly. I didn't want to touch her in fear that I'd break her. She seemed so fragile, like a baby...

"Is that little baby my granddaughter?" She pointed to Sophia, "Hi Brian." 

"Hello Mrs. Baker." He waved. 

"Can I hold her? I want to hold my granddaughter. I've never got a chance to." 

Brian fearlessly handed the baby to my mom. Her face lit up almost instinctively. It was the most emotion I'd ever gotten from her  and it made me tear up to see the strength Sophia was giving her by just being in her arms. 

"Look at you, Miss Sophia. All pretty and big." She planted a kiss on her head,  "She's five months right?" 

"Just turned," Brian proudly answered, "She's pretty big huh?" 

"Very!" My mom replied, infatuated with Soph.

The room grew awkward, for the only thing that could be heard was Sophia's 'oohs', my mom's breathing and the sizzling of oil in the kitchen. I continued to look at my mom, remembering all the moments I had with her and how very soon, if not someday, they'd be just memories and she'd no longer be here. 

"Brian, how about we help my dad finish cooking? He's not the best chef when it comes to grilling steak." Randy suggested. 

Giving me a hesitant look, Brian searched my eyes for approval and once I gave it to him, he stood up and left us alone. 

"So... How are you feeling with the chemo and radiation?" I asked my mom. 

She shrugged, placing Sophia on her lap, "It's not what I expected. My body aches and I'm incredibly nauseated after. But I'm willing to go through it if it means getting better." She knew, just as well as I knew that there was no getting better. The facial expression I was giving her said it all.  "I'm not stupid, Esperanza. I know I'm just going to get worse. The cancer is spreading. Sometimes, you just have to have," She paused looking at me with a smile, "Hope." 

Suddenly, a ball formed in my throat and my eyes yet again, filled with tears. "Mom, I don't want you to die." 

"Sweetie, I'm not going to die." 

Denial. I hated it. "Mom, stop. Everyone is going to d-" 

"Not me. I'm a tough bitch, Jackie. I've got to see Sophia grow up. I have to see you and Brian go through the tough part of a marriage. I want to see Sophia graduate from pre-school, elementary, middle school, high school and college. I want to see you have more kids so I can see how well you do. I refuse to die. This chemo and radiation is going to help me. People live years after. Even better, I'm on a list for a liver transplant. Pretty soon Jackie, I'm going to get better." 

"Babe," Brian said from under the door frame, "Oh I'm sorry," He apologized for interrupting, "Uh, dinner is ready. Mrs.Baker, erm, Mr. Baker said if you want he can bring you your soup." 

My mom shook her head, "No. I'm not hungry. I think I'll just sleep. I'm pretty tired." 

"Yeah,  I'm not going to eat either." I added. 

"Yes you are." My mom protested, "I'm still going to be here when dinner is over. I'll just be asleep. Go on. Brian take these ladies into the dining room." 

Obeying my mother's requests, Brian gladly lifted Soph into his arms, motioning for me to follow him. I sat there for a few seconds before wiping the make up under my eye, then set off to trail behind him...

It killed me seeing my mom like this. I wish I could do something.