The FEU's Secret Files 2

"You will always be "

"You will always be "

(to admins: to avoid confusion sa story, let me explain this. dati po akong tam na nagtransfer kaya dito ako nagsubmit sa forms for outsiders)

It was April 12 2012 when it started. How could I ever forget that date. I was on my way to NRH to finish the enrollment process, when I bumped into someone. It's not like your typical sparks thingy. Rather, I felt a chill ran down my spine. He looked pale and his eyes are cold. I can read his lips pero di ako makatayo. He reached me his hand to help me up and said, ""sorry miss"" without even looking at me straight in the eyes. My instincts are telling me na parang hindi siya normal. ""Okay lang po kuya,"" I answered ""may I just ask kung saan po yung id section?"" Enrollee din pala si kuya kaya sabay na namin hinanap.

We talked for a bit while we are on queue. Wala siyang buhay sumagot, I asked him a lot of questions pero his responses were short and cold, maybe he's not in the mood. So I stopped bugging him.

""Anong course kukunin mo?"" he asked, without looking at me.
""Medtech. And you?""
""A-ako?"" he stuttered ""Legma sana kaso wala na raw slot. Kaya BM na lang.""

Natapos na kami sa id section and we decided to eat. All of a sudden, parang ibang tao na yung kasama ko. He thanked me for accompanying him daw pero ako naman talaga nagpasama, naging madaldal siya and sobrang dami niyang banat. Good thing he delivered everything smoothly.

""Sorry kanina ah.""
""Sorry for what?""
""Napansin ko lang kasi na hindi man lang kita tinitignan habang kinakausap, it is just now that I noticed that your eyes are worth every second staring.""

Fast forward. He asked for my number, magkausap kami everyday hanggang magpasukan, naging kami, we've been through ups and downs sa buong first sem, madalas mag-away but he never let me feel that it isn't worth it. Matalino siya, he got sense of humor, passionate and goal-driven, he's poetic and can write verses that melts me everytime, he's good with lyrics too but his voice just can't make it. I admit, he's my greatest love.

Second semester came and here's where things got rough. I transferred here in Taft's shield of green and white. I got tempted by the night life like most of the students here. While him, on the other hand, stayed in Morayta and joined an org (which I heard got disbanded idk what happened). I'll go home wasted and wake up in the morning with tons of messages and missed calls from him.

Sometimes, he would stay awake til 4 in the morning to remind me of my quizzes and other school stuff. Kapag 10:30 pasok niya, pupunta siya sa condo ng 7:30 just to bring me breakfast and prepare my stuff. Lagi niya akong sinasabihan na tigilan na yung bisyo ko pero I never listened. Pero pag siya yung wala or busy sa training, pinag-aawayan namin. Alam ko naman kasi he would never leave me, or so I thought.

It was supposed to be our 8th month but there were no signs of him; neither messages nor calls. Wala siyang pasok pero hindi rin siya dumating sa unit. Akala ko nagtatampo lang kasi gumimik ulit ako. Hindi ako nakatiis so I tried calling him, it was on my third attempt when he picked up his phone.

""Happy mo-""
""We need to talk.""
""About? Diba pupunta ka dito?""
""6:00 pm sharp. Wala akong pake kung exams niyo.""

From his tone alone, I know I'm screwed. Pero it was the first time I heard him like that. I was about to hug him when he swatted my hand off. I know it's my fault and I apologized. Nakita ko ulit sa kanya yung expression niya noong una ko siyang nakita. Minutes have passed but it was just a defeaning silence between us two, so I took the initiative to break the ice.

""What is it that you wanna talk about?""
""I'm breaking up with you."" it was straight and cold
""Ha? A-ano?"" this time, ako yung nagstutter ""Anong dahilan? Pagod ka na ba? Sawa ka na ba? Kung dahil sa bisyo lang to, pipilitin ko tigilan.""
""What happened last night?""
""What are you talking about?"" I tried to keep my composure pero I can see tears forming on his eyelids. Another bad thing is that I don't remember anything from last night.
""Trying to play innocent?"" his voice cracked. He lost his composure as he tried to pull his phone from his pocket. Tears were pouring down on his face as he swiped through his camera roll.

And there I was, dumbfounded. The pictures were clear, it was really me. I was making out with guys that I don't even know. Wala na akong nasabi pa. Kasalanan ko. I lost the man who loved me the most. I didn't have the strength to chase him as he walked away from me. Memories came flashing through, yung dinadalhan niya ako ng breakfast or magluluto kami sa unit, yung siya pag nagplantsa ng uniform ko noong hindi pa ako lumilipat, yung pag skip niya ng classes just to take care of me pag may sakit ako, yung proud pa siya na he bought me napkins, everything!!! I lost him and I lost it all in an instant and there's no one to blame. It was all my fault.

Fast forward to 2014. My friends invited me to watch the match against FEU live. I guess fate has its way of playing. The only tickets left were on the FEU side. It hurts to see him happy, without me by his side. I know it's pathetic but I would even skip classes just to go to UAAP games and watch him hit those snares. So pathetic that I even bought a shirt just to blend with the crowd and see him again. I don't know if he purposely removes his glasses to pretend he didn't see me, I understand but it hurts. The pain reverberates from my heart to my soul and it is asphyxiating. I deserve this torture but he didn't deserve the pain I caused him.

It is now 2016. Malapit nang mag 4 years mula noong nakilala kita. L, I am deeply sorry. You are my first, and I also want you to be my last. I hope it is not too late. I could only wish that the lines in your poems are still about me. You will always have a special place in my heart, you will always be my greatest love, you will always be my little drummer boy, and you will always be my favorite poem.
"

The Girl Who Lost It All
4122012
DLSU