The Survivors

Chapter Eleven: Intercontinental, pt. 2

  Wasn't this exactly the sort of thing I was trying to avoid? After just a day together, he was disarming me. I had to be more careful.

    "I like every version of you," he said. I looked away.

We ate a late dinner at a popular Thai restaurant called Mango Tree. It was a brisk night, but we chose to walk from the hotel, passing by Buckingham Palace along the way. I was pleasantly surprised by the Thai food, which I'd never tried before. The swanky atmosphere and the rich food and wine made me feel more normal than I usually did. I wondered if there was something to the Winters' rule about eating and drinking and sleeping to be more like humans.

    Cole's anticipation had been building all day. He so badly wanted me to respond to even the smallest of his advances. But I wasn't at all, and it was driving him insane. Though I wasn't exactly objecting. I should have pushed him away more sharply, or made up some lie about having a boyfriend (because that was a lie, wasn't it?). I should have made it clear I had no interest.

    But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Everything I liked about Cole Hardwick at the wedding I liked now. Everything I thought made him unique from other human men was still true. He was soft, gentle, respectful, and charming. And he was so beautiful. That shouldn't matter, but it affected me considerably, so it did.

    And I had been so alone. I often wondered why I hadn't just gone to Dallas and spent time with Corrina instead of sitting alone at a hotel in Seattle, torturing myself. And even despite the circumstances, Cole's was the first friendly face I'd seen in months, so I was enjoying myself.

    "I don't suppose I can get you to tell me what's in Moscow," Cole asked as our server refilled his wine glass.

    "It would be too easy that way," I joked. "Besides, I am not so interesting. Not like you think I am, anyway," I said, sipping from my own glass.

    "On the contrary," he said. "You're fascinating. I have absolutely no idea why you travel, no idea how you end up where you end up, no idea where you come from, who your parents are, or where you get the money to do what you do. And you're only what, twenty-one?" he asked. I nodded, confirming what it said on my forged passport and birth certificate. She's younger than Corrina... Does that make her too young? She was born in what...1990? I'm 1985... He wondered if the five years between us was too great a difference for me. This thinking amused me. "So where's all this life experience come from?" he asked. "It's damn near impossible to think you got out of high school only three years ago." I legitimately had never thought of it that way.

    He waited for me to respond, but I kept my eyes fixed on the wine.

  So he went on. "What have you been doing since then?" he asked, this time knowing I wouldn't respond. He sighed. "You're a mystery."

    I spun the wine around in my glass. "Answers aren't my strong suit," I said.

  "Why don't you practice on me then? Start anywhere you like," he said, his voice insistent. He didn't want to let this go. "Like, let's say, why don't you tell me what's in Moscow?"

    I kept spinning the wine, saying nothing.

  His thoughts were frustrated. He didn't understand why I played these games. They weren't games, of course, but he couldn't know that. Because I could never tell Cole Hardwick the truth.

    "Sadie, why do you do this?" he asked, his voice effortless but pointed. He was starting to get mad, in his own calm way.

    "Do what?" I asked.

    He crossed his arms. I understood his message. "Deflect me like this. I'm just trying to understand you, get inside your head a little. That's not so bad, is it?" he asked.

    I bit my lip. "No." I recognized how unfair it was that I could read his mind when all he wanted was a glimpse into mine. I didn't say that, though. "Cole, I've had a strange life. The kind of life no one ever talks about because nobody would believe it." He began to speak, but I knew what he was going to say, so I lifted my hand and stopped him. "And, no, you wouldn't believe me. And even if you would, I'm not going to tell you. I don't have to explain myself to you," I said. "I don't even want to."

    He had leaned forward, heated for a moment, but then he sat back. "I can't compete with that, Sadie," he said, his disappointment obvious. "I can compete with anything except you not wanting me to know you. I'll listen to anything you want to say. If it's tough stuff, I'll hold you while you cry. If it's strange, I'll believe you. If it's terrible, then I'll forgive you. I just want to know who you are. I want you to know me. I think we could really have something. I feel it in my bones. Sadie, I do," he pleaded. I knew that every word that came out of his mouth was honest.

    "Your bones can lie to you," I said, the words cold in my mouth. He was taken aback. "And it's not as simple as telling you a story, as crying while you hold me, or letting you kiss me to comfort me," I said. His heart rate audibly sped up. "There are many reasons that we cannot, that we will not be together. More than I can explain. And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that you had your hopes up, that we ended up in London on the same day at the same time. I'm sorry this happened because now you're going to hurt, and I don't want that. I tried to walk away before you got hurt once already."

    But it was too late. He was already hurt. The pain was radiating from him in heavy waves, swirling around me, hanging on like thick velvet curtains weighing me down. I couldn't handle it. I pushed my chair back, grabbed my shopping bags and my travel tote, and stood up. "Maybe this is my exit cue," I said.

  "Sadie, wait," he said. He made a motion to stand up, too, but I dismissed him.

  I knew this wasn't the smoothest or most polite way to do things, but Cole's beautiful mouth was in a tight frown and his blue eyes were filled with sadness, and all I could think of was Everett Winter's golden-green eyes and beautiful smile.

  I just couldn't stay. Everett was the only one I wanted, the one my heart was breaking for, the way Cole's was breaking for me.

  "Sadie, please," he pleaded. Now we were both standing, clearly causing a scene. "Don't do this."

  "No, I should go," I said, my hand landing on his arm. "Cole, it's been so lovely to see you. Thank you for a lovely day and a lovely dinner," I said. "I wish you the best." He dropped back down into his seat and looked up at me in disbelief. The gentleman in him wanted to stop me from going, or at least escort me to the hotel. But then the rest of him couldn't make it happen. He was too crushed.

  "I'm sorry again," I said, and I turned my back on him. I slid two£100 notes into the host's hand to cover the check and then some. I took one more look at Cole's pained face. He wasn't looking at me.
 

He let me walk away.