Forbidden

Chapter eighty

Songs for the chapter: Avril Lavigne - Slipped away
Whiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth - See you again

***

I never thought I could feel this way...so empty. It's actually terrifying sitting there in the middle of the hall, motionless with my bloodied dress which once was white and now is imprinted with red, sticking dried blood, hands limp on my sides, my hair sticking up in different directs...Zayn had forcefully washed my hands as I had protested in almighty screams until he let me go as I had given him a scathing look which hurt his feelings. He told me that he was sorry, that he couldn't see me upset and ignoring everything around me scared him, also the blood had to get away but I wanted the reminder, yet he coerced me to clean my hands. Although I understand him, he's hurt and anxious because I blamed him for everything and he feels guilty just as much as I do, that didn't give him any permission to do that while I'm upset, touching me without my consent.

Now he's watching me with sad eyes from the living room, on edge doing everything not to come to me and touch me, comfort me...

"She was stabbed seventeen times," his voice carried the silent place, Niall and Harry listening, heads low in grief, "Ernest said we couldn't have saved her even if we found help. He's stitching her wounds to make her body ready for the burial." he explained, voice heavy and cracking. My eyes sealed tightly, a gasp leaving my lips in struggle of breath.

Ernest is their personal doctor.

Zayn's been pacing nonstop, hinking lightly and one look my way crumbled his composure and he slides down to the floor too, the couch resting his back, elbows on his bent knees. He stares at me, I do too, unwavering with my dull eyes. I had been crying for hours until I just remained silent with tears falling here and there. It's a nice distraction to focus on him. He's physically and emotionally aching and striving for me. Hazel irises boring to mine, scared that I wouldn't ever be the same again. He's right because I wouldn't. He had been scared he lost me and he would have because it should have been me... now that I was here and he couldn't touch me it must hurt him.

I felt numb and guilty.

She died.

"I'll go see if Liam needs anything.." Niall sadly uttered.

"I wouldn't..." Zayn adviced him while his eyes never leave me.

It looks like he feels what I feel, like he can relate. But he doesn't and won't ever know this feeling. It makes me want to be dead.. This will haunt me forever.

The smell of death is on me...it is etched and lingers on me now.

//

*Five hours prior*

"Alice, hang on please," I choke, "Why did you do it?" I helplessly said, her eyes are barely open, and her skin was getting cold, "Somebody help!" I shout loudly, the volume of my voice echoing through the now empty and soundless parking lot. "Zayn, help us!!"

"Liv..It's okay," Alice quietly spoke, making me stare at her with bulging eyes.

"No, shh. Don't talk okay? Hold on, please," I plead through sobs, they rake through my body, "Zayn where are you?!" I shout again and again. Where was he?

"Liv, stop..Y-you have to be strong," she splutters weakly, "It's okay..." she mumbled, falling in and out of conscious.

"No, don't say that. You're going to be alright," I quickly say, pushing on her drenched, soaked black dress, my hands in a puddle of blood "Alice, stay awake!" I panic, she whined and blinked. There's so much blood leaving her body.

To our luck Zayn is running to us, "Olivia, what's all this blood? You alright?" he seemed scared, inspecting me, touching my arm, "Are okay? Answer me damn it." he snapped, he looked like a walking mess, like he just came out of war.