Forbidden

Chapter forty-one

Songs for the chapter: Lana del Rey- Dark paradise
Aminata-Love injected

***

The next thing I know is that I have the gun in my hand and am aiming it at his chest, while I'm on my knees on the bed having no idea when or how I got myself in this situation. It's like a blurry memory as I quickly grabbed the gun, when it just happened a few seconds ago.

I'm very aware that I won't ever do it but right now I'm feeling too distracted with all the physical and emotional pain I've been through. Getting abducted, every other time he hurted me, the near death experience, helping him with that chip to have him be so cruel to me when I already felt rueful, to then humiliate me with the most intimate experience I've had with a man..

As I'm hovering above him pointing the gun at his heart, I stay put eyeing him for a few minutes. In his vulnerable state, hair disheveled, calmly sleeping, he doesn't look like someone who could hurt you, quite the opposite he looked soft and cuddly since he sleeps in the same position he first laid down.

He is so confusing, his touch can make me feel various things and put me in a haze where I don't think but as a person I can't stand him. He did just tossed at me what has happened between us in the most coward way just to humiliate me.. Yet I can't do it. I'm not him.

'What am I doing?'

I yelp when a sudden move of his hand grabs the gun, since I zoned out not being aware that he was awake too all the while. What surprises me more is that he pushes it further to him until it touched his chest and the other hand goes round my waist pulling me to him until I'm straddling him. His eyes hung low, not tense whatsoever, his black hair brushing his eyes, my heart thumping repeatedly in my chest.

Even in the barely morning light I can make out his brown eyes soften drastically..

"Do it." he rasps, his deep voice has me shivering and I close my eyes as his scent invades me. "Liv do it." he says again pulling me closer to him until I'm flush to his chest my hands leaning on his inked chest. His skin is so warm and cozy, I don't mind his touch at all. Then I look down at him.

"I can't." I whisper my face turns into a hurt expression and he inhales putting the gun away, nodding his head as if he knew. Both of his big hands move to splay on my bum, I stop breathing. Instead of getting angry like I thought he would, he looks at my eyes then lips back to my eyes intently as if mesmerized. I knew that look too well even if I have seen it only once before where he granted me with blinding pleasure, and it comes back to haunt me since I can't resist the pull I feel even if I wanted too.. I'm too vulnerable and this part of him torments myself so much that I will surrender completely to this sîn.. the dark desire.

"Then live with the consequences of what will happen, bambi." he softly reminds me. And I nod, my nose brushing to his as I'm too distracted with his stare. It's that stare that has me under his spell. "Live with the ugly truth that these sinful hands will touch you and you will want it, mewl and moan for me from now on." he huskily confessed something that he has already known when he saw me not pull away, kneading my bum, kissing me tenderly from time to time, softening me to him. "Live with knowing that I'm a cruel man, who kills, betrays and steals while the only pure and innocent thing I'll ever have is you.." he whisperes inbetween peckings, my breathing hitched and my suprised face goes unnoticed by him. Then I'm adamant to kiss him as well but he keeps talking with his growly voice telling me things I'd never thought I would hear from him. "That you'll become a woman under my touch, yearning for my body. That I will be your first time.. Because you know we can't stay away from one another after this, don't you?" he mumbled. I nod somewhere deep inside me knows that that is the bizarre truth, folding my lips on his bottom lip, my mind has shut down all I focus on is his words and tender touches. "Fuck, I need to hear your soft voice telling me what I'm going to do to you while my mouth marks you... I can't continue to let you be a fuckîng tease without having you quiver underneath me after..." he sounded frustrated, biting his lip he rocks his hips forward to mine while squeezing my bum slow and hard, gauging my reaction, my traitourous body arches to his touch as I sigh, lips parting in his mouth while my eyes roll back at that simple gesture that was so pleasurable as it is sinful, his tongue slipping quickly across mine, I close my lips around his.