Story Time! - I_am_a_psychopath

Me? Adult? Haha!

Alright, so I technically am an adult. I'm 16. You can get married and have sex and join the army, adult things.

But I'm just thinking...I'm not going to be able to function very well as an adult in this century, as many readers may already know.

I've managed to create a list as to why...

1 - I can't cook

Literally, I have failed in the basics of cookery. I have failed at the art of putting a bag of popcorn in the microwave for a couple of minutes before opening it. I have managed to royally fuck up chicken noodles. Also, any time mum decides she has to leave AFTER putting food on 'getting cooked' mode she leaves me in charge.

For whatever reason I am in charge. Of food. After almost setting the kitchen carpet on fire once, I have to say that I have improved.

(Yes my kitchen has a carpet floor, long story...)

There has also been an incident where I have tried to fry an egg with the stove not on....I almost poisoned my uncle...

And then there's the time I cremated the toast and had to call off the fire brigade...

Oh! And don't get me started on the potato incident! My 'adoptive family' have promised to never let me live this down! French_Viking  knows what I'm on about! Long story short, I killed a potato in the microwave when trying to bake a potato...

2 - I can't clean...

I'm messy, but not in the sense that I leave everything lying about (even though I also do that) but in the sense that I just can't be bothered....

Like, I hate vacuuming. It is the worst chore I am given because UGH! It's awful! You need to drag about a fucking box while the nozzle refuses to move through carpet yet makes an awful noise when on hard floor.

I also hate cleaning bathrooms, because they shouldn't be dirty! They are supposed to be clean! It is where we get clean!

I am able to tidy my room once it has reached a certain stage of messy, but clean? As in, hoover (vacuum, whatever) and dust and CLEAN? Nuh uh, too much work.

And if I have to wash dishes, then I don't want the sink to be PILED UP LIKE A MOUNTAIN! That doesn't make me want to clean anything!

Just...cleaning is such a struggle, because then like a day later everything is messy again!

3 - Alcohol

I think some people just had a panic attack...

I don't mind alcohol, depending on what it is, yes I have tried some. No, I have never been drunk.

I feel very sorry for anyone who has to deal with drunk-me for the first time because whenever I do have alcohol I literally feel high...

As in, I start jumping off the walls and running round the garden yelling about how happy life is!

RIP neighbours...

4 - Work

...what redeeming qualities does someone such as I have that will make an employer think 'Ah yes, she will be able to do this job perfectly'

Because, come on, you know me....I'm an idiot and a half!

I can't think of a single job which I could potentially work well in and get paid well for....well, legally I mean.

So, I'm probably going to be living with someone...sorry~

5 - Dating

....I have told you about the story of when I tried to flirt, did I?