You're light to me

26. Ellen

The next day I woke up with a tremendous headache. It was really early and I hadn't slept a lot. My conversation with Austin affected me more than I thought. I loved Karlie so much, I wasn't going to break up with her and for that I hated that my doubts grow up inside of me because of fears and conversations with her like the day before. I decided to wake up even if I rather prefer to burry my face on the pillow and when to take a shower. I had to film an advertisement all morning and after that I would go with my family to LA where I could continue with the Shake it Off promo.

I forgot about Karlie all morning thank to the work. I was surrounded by cats in the set because we needed them for the advertisement, which was a dream come true for me. My family was at home getting ready for the flight, making the suitcases and preparing my own cats. I was thankful for that, I didn't need Austin around asking questions about Karlie and I again. After I started crying my brother didn't ask more about us, he just hugged me and when I calm myself in his arms I walked to my room without saying anything more.

Besides everything Karlie got to scape ten minutes from college to come and say goodbye before the flight. The model appeared in one of my SUV with black glasses so nobody could see who was inside of it at the airport at the same time than us. I entered in the car to say a quickly goodbye. I was very thankful that she made an effort and came to see me, I needed her there after the semi- fight and after my conversation with Austin even if it was just for a few minutes. One I love you and one I will miss you cleared my mind and my doubts a little bit in that moment but later, the silence in the plane renovated my doubts again. Damn Austin. Why did he ask all of that?

Austin should be at college too like Karlie, but he wasn't to waste the opportunity to go to LA and see Ella for a few days while I was promoting the single. He told me that he was really happy with her even if he was busy at college and it was really complicated keeping a normal relationship with his girl but that wasn't the problem. He feared that Ella was coming back in two weeks to New Zealand to visit her family and she didn't know when she would come back to him. Their relationship was pretty difficult right now so he couldn't thought what will happen when they were in opposites sides of the world. It wasn't a secret anymore that they were dating, the rumors started when the paparazzis caught them a few times alone without me and the confirmation arrived when Austin had the great idea of posting a photo of the two of them on Instagram.

My brother was happy in a healthy relationship that everybody knew about, Selena and Ed were like them too. I was the only one who was hiding my love. I was happy... but... sometimes by fights with Karlie were too much for me because they were always about the same topic. I had an intense week ahead in Los Angeles, I would have time of think about her when I would came back to New York.

The week was full of interviews on radio stations, performances on tv programs and appearances on talk shows. The one who I was expecting more was the Ellen Show. Ellen was a friend of mine from years and I would sing Shake it off for the first time live. I also would sang two more songs before the album came out: Welcome to New York and Out of the Woods. It was not an accident that I chose those two songs which were related with Karlie to be the next ones to show to the world. Even if I had promised myself that I didn't think about her too much that week it was impossible not to do it. I missed her and she missed me, she took over of that making me know in her constants texts messages. The model had a busy week too, not only for college but because she had important shootings to severals brands. I would had like to have her there with me, calming my nerves before the show but she wasn't there so I made time to go and visit Selena.

-Congrats Tay- Selena said the moment she saw me.

-Thank you Sel- I said hugging her back, it meant a lot coming from her.