Deadly Dreamer - Book One ✔️

Chapter 16

The drive to the mall was a quiet one, meaning that aside from the music blaring from the speakers it was quiet.

Alyssa and I would normally chat the entire way on any drive, anywhere, at any hour, but I could sense that she was giving me time to decide what I would tell her, if I told her anything at all that is.

So there I sat in the smooth, black, leather seat watching the world pass me by, heavily contemplating what to say to my best friend in the whole world. What do you say to someone that you're meant to trust with every secret, every insecurity, every emotion? Especially when said secret is about oneself murdering people. It's not something you can tell someone casually. How would you even put it into words? I can imagine the conversation now.

"Hey Lyss - you want to know what's up with me? Well to tell it straight, I've been murdering people in the middle of the night and I'm great at it. But don't worry, I haven't been caught and I'll probably continue to kill."

Nope. I can't tell anyone. That much is crystal clear to me. As much as I love and trust Alyssa and Alex, I just can't risk losing them. They're all I have in this world to support me and love me. I know just how vain that sounds but it's not like that. I have little to no family aside from them. I deliberately moved away from my aunt and cousins so that I could separate my past from my future. I had too many memories there.

My thoughts have been constantly swirling in my mind and sometimes I fear that I might say something out loud. Mutter something that's floating through my mind, something utterly disastrous and then the wrong person hears it and it's all over. Hell. Anybody is the wrong person. Who am I trying to kid? Myself, that's who.

Lately it's felt like everything is moving too fast and I barely get to experience the days. I sigh internally. Savouring the warmth of the sun on my skin, I think of all the days that I've lost to my constant distractions of late. I love Summer. I love the warm breeze against my skin and the need for sunglasses to protect your eyes from the glare of the hot sun. But right now, I'm not loving it. I'm missing it all. The days are flying by, and my mind has been far too preoccupied with my night time activities to even enjoy the sunlight when it's around.

I'm slowly losing parts of myself and I'm scared.

Scared of what I might do next.

Scared of who I'm becoming.

Alyssa interrupts my thoughts suddenly. "Something sinister is going on with you and it's tying me up in knots with worry. I need you to talk to me." She says looking at me intently.

Alyssa has now pulled into a parking lot and turned off the engine, I hadn't realised this until she spoke to me though, breaking me from my thoughts.

I sit in silence while staring back at her.

I know she's worried but I can't possibly tell her the truth. There's no way she would believe me, and even if she did, she might just disown me for such ridiculous stories, because that is all she would think of them as. Stories. My imagination. She will just think I've gone a little crazy. It's not unheard of for someone in my line of work to go a little wacko for a while.

"I can't." I say hesitantly.
"At least I can't tell you exactly what's going on with me, but that's only because I can't explain it, not even to myself. I am a bit out of sorts at the moment, but that's not to do with anyone. It's just something that's going on with me." I stop, take a deep breath then add as an afterthought "I'm handling it." Then I stare at Alyssa hoping she accepts what I've said.

But she doesn't speak. Not for a long while. She just stares straight ahead, through the windshield with both hands firmly gripped onto the steering wheel, chest rising and falling every now and then.