The Mistress (Vikings)

33. Guds kvinne

Woman of Gods

At the Saxon camp, there is a training yard where soldiers go to keep in shape for battle. I would usually stay away from such places. Women, forbidden from handling a sword, rarely have business with the soldiers. I am no exception, and I would have walked past it had not been for Alfred.

Ever since I arrived here, I have stayed inside my tent. At first, Alfred tried to coax me into joining him and his family at mealtime. It is safe to say I refused without hesitation. The last thing I want to do is to spend time with people who hate me and wish me gone. I was surprised he thought me willing to look at Elsewith's face without complaint. Especially after I established my wish to leave. When he tried for the third time and I screamed at him, Alfred finally gave up.

Still, sitting in my tent contemplating the drapes was anything but fun for an explorer like me. So I decided my time was better spent studying my new prison. And when no one was looking, that is precisely what I did. I am unsure whether it is useful or not, but surpasses waiting around for someone to come rescue me. To my luck -and reinforcement of my decisions- Alfred has been too busy to notice my wandering. He keeps thinking I remain in my tent since no one considers my presence important enough for a guard, unlike the Vikings. Unfortunately, that does not mean I can simply walk out of the Saxon's encampment. There are soldiers all the time at the gates. The possibility of a smooth escape is highly unlikely, even more so considering that I have no idea where the Vikings are. So, I remain in place, observing but never acting. It is on one of those occasions that I stumble upon a sight I never thought to witness; Alfred in the training yard.

Growing up with him, I was no stranger to Alfred's sickness and all that it entailed. I used to complain about it, because if he was in bed, then it meant we could not play together. When he was young, his absence due to his weak body happened more often than not. In his teenage years, it was a matter of luck more than anything. I blame his mother's overprotectiveness on his poor health. Of course, with age, he grew sturdier, but horse riding or sword training was always more Aethelred's predilection. Every time Alfred tried to do one or the other, he would be tired in a matter of minutes. So, I can not help but be surprised at my friend's improvement with the sword.

Alfred, with his gracious movements, attacks one of the soldiers strong and decided. He might not be the best swordsman, but it is clear he no longer exhausts after a fight. I remain vigilant in the distance, and then I notice that I am not the only one watching. On the other side of the place but nearer to the center, Princess Elsewith meticulously scrutinizes her husband's stance.

She pays attention to him almost like a hawk, her lips are pressed together tightly and her hands grip the railing that surrounds the training grounds. It is impossible not to smirk the moment she notices me. Elsewith looks up to where I am standing, and her gaze only darkens. I assume she expected to be rid of me by now, my life taken by the Vikings, never again to be a burden to her marriage. The current situation must be dreary for her; I know I would feel like so. I know because I felt something similar when she came into the picture.

Just then, Alfred finishes his match with a friendly nod to his companion. It is then that he notices my presence. Briefly, I consider running away from him, but that would be too childish. Thus, I remain in place when he approaches me.

"You should have told me you were going out for a walk, I would have come with you." Alfred's smile shines brighter when he takes my hand in his. Once again, it takes me by surprise. He was never so forward in public. Not even when I publicly became his mistress.

"I did not plan on going out, it just... happened." The lie comes smoothly. "Next time, perhaps." I squeeze his fingers and move a step back.

"Sure- no matter, you are here now, and I was hoping to talk with you anyway." With a gentle hand on my arm, he guides me away from the yard. I glance back to where Elsewith is standing, only to find she is no longer there.

Alfred takes me to a secluded area around the back. We are close enough that I can still hear the sounds of people, but far from prying ears. "What is it?" I ask as soon as he stops.

Maybe it is the biting in my words, Alfred studies me intently. I rarely speak to him that way. Finally, he utters, "when you were gone- no, when I thought you were gone, I was devastated." Alfred smiles sadly at me. "All the joy in my life was gone without you. The guilt of not being able to protect you kept me awake at night and I was losing it." His speech is heartbreaking, and yet I struggle to awaken my sympathy. "I was sick for a while, thinking it was all my fault. Only the Lord knows how much I missed you, my love."

I wish to reciprocate, but I can not. It is too late for us. Perhaps it was not his doing, me being in the Viking's hold. Yet, our love was to blame, his mother was to blame. "I understand. However, Alfred, what we had once before can no longer be. I have changed, you must understand that, surely."

He shakes his head in denial. "Do not jest. You can not seriously consider going to the Vikings."

"I am."

"Leofflaed, right now York it is most dangerous."

I try to reason with him, "I have an agreement with..."

"It does not matter!" Alfred screams at me. "It does not matter because they will be dead in a moon's time." The conviction in which he says it stops me. It is ominous.

"What do you mean?" He looks away and does not answer. "Alfred! What do you mean?" I push, my hand goes to his arm.

Alfred seems slightly guilty when he meets my eyes. "There has been an order to close all paths towards the Viking camp." He hesitates, "we are starving them before we attack."

The first thing that comes to my mind is that it is a good plan. The Vikings are more than the Saxons, and possibly stronger. Weaken them is the right call. However, next thing I remember is that I am not on the Saxon's side anymore. And above all, that Egadyd and Wulfrun are with the Vikings. If they starve the enemy, they starve my family. Considering the way he is looking at me, Alfred must be aware of my line of thought.

"You can not do that. You promised you would get them out safe." My words have no strength, not even to my ears. It would be a lie if I said I ever believed in Alfred's promises once again.

The Prince steps away from me, "I am sorry." His sorrow has no meaning to me, not anymore. So I let him walk away.

I am not sure if this is when I decide to forgo my trust for him, perhaps it happened before then. Possibly one of the many times he failed or denied me. Nevertheless, I know now that the Saxons have abandoned me and my family too many times. From the moment they decided my father was a filthy worthless noble, to the whispers of my impurity. Alfred is no different for allowing all to occur. If for the Saxons I am nothing but a whore, then I shall not be Saxon anymore. If who I am does not fit my society, then I shall change my society. No longer do I wish to be a prisoner, and if for that to happen I must burn England, then it shall be done.