The Mistress (Vikings)

19. Pelskapper

Fur Capes

It is days after that life takes a drastic turn. I have been trying to find any possible distraction that I can ever since I found out Alfred's possible blame on the entire England court knowing about our affair. It is not that I do not believe it, or that I do not want to accept it, I know that Egadyd would never lie to me about it. What she told me regarding Edburga and Alfred's reactions makes complete sense. He was rather adamant about me becoming his mistress, and about me not marrying the Count. At the same time, his desire for the crown pushed him to marry someone he did not want. This scandal provided him the perfect opportunity to have both me and the crown of England. It was the perfect plan and Edburga, my own sister, helped him achieve it.

I do not know who am I most disappointed in, my sister, or Alfred. Needless to say, I feel completely betrayed by their actions. I always knew Alfred liked to play chess, but I never thought he would consider me a pawn. And yet, even when my brain cannot avoid thinking about the whole ordeal, I try to find anything to distract myself with. Otherwise, I feel the stabbing wounds in my heart and the stupidity of trusting the wrong people.

I always knew my sister never liked me, but I never thought it would come to the point that she would do something to harm me or my reputation and life. We never saw eye to eye, blood rarely does. And then there is Alfred, my best friend for most of my childhood and teenage years, and then my lover for the last part of my life. I loved him, and he loved me, and yet he decided to pursue a plan against my happiness with the ultimate goal of egoism. If I did not want to go back to him before, now I definitely prefer to take my chances in the streets or as an outcast in society. I cannot pretend anymore that the resentment growing inside my chest is not there. Sure, the love I have for him has not vanished yet, but it feels insignificant compared to the hatred and betrayal.

"You know, I am here for you, right?" My sister's soft-spoken words bring back my attention to the present. We are in her garden, drinking some tea. It has been four days since Alfred left me in her estate. I have come to see Egadyd's life as a married woman, and it only strengthened my resolution that men are truly selfish creatures. "What Edburga did was not right, but you will always have me, Leofflaed."

I smile at her kind words, though their reassurance does not reach my soul. "I do not want to talk about it, sister, may we speak of something else?" My gaze shifts to her prominent belly peeking from under the table. "Tell me about your future son and your marriage." I have seen some extent, I wonder if she will tell me more about it.

"I believe there is not much to tell that you have not witnessed already, sister." Her voice is almost hollow, and for a moment, I believe that she will not disclose anything more to me. Even though my relationship with Egadyd is closer than with any other of my family members, she has never been open to sharing the details of her marriage out loud, special if they are somewhat less than ideal. "My marriage is what is expected, we do not spend time together often, but he takes care of me well enough. I look out for the children, and in return, he brings warm food to the table."

It sounds like a comfortable life, like the best one a woman in an arranged marriage could have. Love is not something Egadyd can hope for, and we both know that. Though, for some reason, I believe she is not telling me the whole truth. "Is that it? Sister, you know you can confide in me."

The edge of my voice must clue her on what I am implying. "Everything is fine, sister. There is no need to worry."

I refuse to be easily persuaded. "There is nothing you can tell me that will make me judge you, you know the things that I have done, I am sure nothing that you say can be worse than that."

She looks around us, as to make sure no one is listening. We are alone. "It is nothing serious, just, sometimes he is a little rough and does not like it when I try to discipline his children." A crease forms in her brows. "I do not understand, he tells me to make them behave, and yet when I try to do that, he tells me that I am not their mother. The girls do not like me either, they scream at me and throw tantrums every chance they get."