The Mistress (Vikings)

4. Sytten år gammel +18

Seventeen years old

It did not take long for King Ecberth to figure out the shift in mine and Alfred's relationship. I think he even knew before it started, when friendship was all there was. That kiss at my sister's wedding was the beginning of our love beyond. It was perfect and full of feelings, and maybe even a bit of desire. I expected it to bring awkwardness, or that it would be a one-time thing. At first, it was because our second kiss did not come until weeks after lingering gazes and hidden smiles. We were both new to these love affairs, and normal courtship was out of the question. However, from then on things progressed smoothly. We would meet at sundown in the second-floor corridor by the east window, a secluded space that rarely anyone ever visited. We would also go to the stables in the morning, always alone. In front of everyone else, we were still just friends.

It is an unspoken agreement that we have to keep our relationship a secret. Mainly because we both know that Princess Judith would never agree to a marriage between us, me being in a lower noble position than desired. The woman barely tolerates our friendship. Though there is another reason: Alfred knows how I feel about marriage. The idea of becoming exactly what I have been avoiding is dreadful, even if that man is Alfred. The awful wife lessons come to mind every time that I consider it. I do not believe Alfred would treat me the way husbands do to their wives, but what if he does? Nevertheless, if people were to know about me and Alfred, rumors would arise of me losing my virtue. That would be the downfall of my family, even beyond my father's sins. A woman having a relationship with a man outside of marriage is a prostitute and a disgrace. A man having a relationship outside of marriage is just a man. Sometimes I wish I was born a boy.

For now, that does not matter. I would worry about the consequences later if it ever comes to it. My only desire at the moment is to be with Alfred. From the night we kissed, my relationship with him became more. We were not only friends, now lovers too, and lovers were allowed to do... other things. Like kiss more, or touch, or whisper sweet things. We thought no one knew until King Ecberth spoke to us about it. He noticed and we were mortified. Luckily for us, he agreed to help us hide it from Judith and the rest of the court. His thoughts on the matter are clear: he does not support it, but he believes it is destined to be the most beautiful thing in our lives. He also said that it would ruin us. Maybe he is right, but being in Alfred's arms makes it all go away. All the problems are not important. Like my mother looking a suitor for me.

Shortly after Eadgyd married, she started searching for some noble willing to take me as a wife. I know she has a list of potential husbands. Last month, she tried to persuade me into going to Eadgyd's house to meet her husband's second cousin. Alfred managed to help me out of that by claiming the royal court required my presence in some business he invented. It was a smooth lie that I did not expect from him, but it managed to prevent me from meeting the man.

The black-maned horse comes to a stop before a small clearing. This morning, Alfred suggested we could go riding, away from the royal villa and prying eyes. It is not the first time that we have done it, but it is the first time that we are alone. Usually, one of Alfred's guards accompanies us. Not this time, we snuck out early, so most of the castle should still be sleeping.

"Here, let me help you." I am so lost in my head that I do not realize Alfred has dismounted his horse. He is standing beside me with outstretched hands. I smile at him and hold on to his shoulders. Alfred has always been weak, but he is sturdy enough to take me from the horse and place me on the ground. He must be feeling especially strong today because he takes his time as his body rubs against mine in a sweet caress. His hands stay firmly planted on my waist even when my feet are standing steady. Alfred looks me in the eyes with such gentleness I nearly can not stand. Then, his gaze shifts to my collarbone, and I instantly know what he is staring at. Mjölnir .