The only thing she is certain of, it's Alfred's love. She thinks they are meant to be, he promised so. So what will happen when Judith decides she is no fit to be queen? Moreover, with the death of Ragnar Lothbrok there's a possibility of the viking...
It is past noon when Princess Elsewith comes to my chambers. Since the banquet, which was two days ago, I have been trying to avoid going outside or running into anyone from the royal family and nobles. I managed to avoid Mary's nagging, while claiming I was sick. Surprisingly, she left me alone after I promised to finish my needlework. I have also skipped my last lessons with the royal teacher and Alfred. He did not come to find me then, and I assumed he knew I needed time. My heart hurts every time I think of going out and encountering Alfred or Princess Elsewith, or worse: both of them together. I am not sure what to do about the current unfolding of the events. However, I know I can not hide forever in my room or the court and servants will suspect my behavior. It is not typical of me to avoid Alfred this long. Usually, we spend all of our time beside one another. Maybe that is why I feel like some part of me is missing. Over the past few days, I have been trying to gather the courage to face reality, but every time I loomed the door and thought about leaving my comfort zone, a shivering fear would grip my bones and had me back away from the handle. I am not a coward person, I can face the cruel court of deceptions, though every time I have done that in the past Alfred has always been by my side. Now that he is the reason why I can not find myself, there has been a sudden shift within me. I was aware that Alfred was not going to be there for me all the time, but I got so used to his presence that now the threat of him being taken away feels like a burn into my soul. It does not matter anyway because when Princess Elsewith comes looking for me, I can not send her away. And it is time to meet my demons.
"Princess," I bow slightly in greeting.
The woman only smiles back. Technically, she is more my princess than Alfred is my prince because we both come from Northumbria and not Wessex. Even so, I do not offer her to sit. She stands awkwardly by the door.
"Lady Leofflaed", she nods, "it is a pleasure to finally talk to you. I have heard that you have been sick."
"Yes, my princess," the title tastes like mud on my tongue, "I felt a bit feverish the other day and decided to stay inside my chambers for a while."
She hums in my acknowledgment. "Well, I hope you feel better now because I was hoping we could talk about something." What does she want? The expression on my face must show my confusion I feel because she quickly clarifies, "it is about Prince Alfred." At her words, my heart starts beating loudly in my chest. Does she know? Elsewith is aware of the panic within me because she adds: "Princess Judith told me before I came here that there was something going on between you and him. I did not know that when the engagement was arranged, but it is good to be conscious of it now."
What is she talking about? "What do you mean when the engagement was arranged?"
She smirks with an innocence I can not be sure if it is fake or not. "Well, yes, did no one told you?" Elsewith pushes a strand of her hair out of her face. "My engagement with Prince Alfred had been negotiated for months." I inhale sharply. "Do not worry, Alfred was not informed either, do not blame him. This was only a matter discussed by Princess Judith, King Ecberth, my father, and King Aelle."
King Ecberth arranged the marriage and never told us anything? At this moment, I feel a deep betrayal for the man that I thought was my protector and even some sort of father figure.
"No, I was not knowledgeable about this," I murmur and praise myself when my voice does not break.
"I see," she says, "Lady Leofflaed, I would like to be truthful to you, I must say that it was never my intention to hurt you or get in the way of your relationship with Alfred."
She knows too much for me to even try and deny her words. "Forgive me, my princess, but it certainly doesn't seem that way."
Elsewith nods, "You are a Lady, you are aware of how court works. Even if it was not on my plans to marry Alfred, it was in my father's and the Kings'." I know how marriage works for nobles, though it does not mean that I like it. "However, I do not feel anything for Alfred, and I very much doubt I would ever do so." She takes a deep breath, like she's preparing to say something important. "I do not care about what you do with him in your free time, you can be with him even after we marry if you wish to. I will not oppose to it. But let me make something clear, I will marry Alfred like I am supposed to, and I will become the queen of Wessex and Mercia."
Elsewith's words shake something deep inside me, it does not matter that she is giving me permission to be with Alfred. I could not care any less about it. The fact that she assumes I would be willing to become Alfred's mistress is bothersome. She thinks so low of me to believe that I would settle for scraps. And the worst thing is that I might. My love for Alfred runs so deep that a desperate part of me would accept becoming his mistress. Of course, there is the other side that was raised to be a lady and follow the Christian ways. That me feels repulsed by the idea of living a life like that. There is also the fact that she is so focused on the crown that she fails to see Alfred as more than a Prince. In her mind, she does not care, nor she is willing to care for him, she is only aware that he will become ruler one day, and therefore she will too. Alfred is more than his title.
I want to say all of that and so much more to her, but I bite my tongue because that is no way to treat a princess. For a moment, I wish I was a Viking so I could express myself without the shackles of the Saxon ways. Instead, I just ask: "how do you know that Aethelred will not be king?"
She smiles sweetly, "everyone but Aethelwulf knows Alfred will be next in line." Then she adds, "Lady Leofflaed, as I said earlier, you can be the lover, I do not mind, but I will fulfill my duty and become Alfred's wife."
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