The Mistress (Vikings)

17. Mareritt

Nightmare

Lessons with sister Jane are a constant during the next week. Every day, I get up, and I have to abstain from breakfast in order to respect my fasting. Then, I go to the small library in the building and study for about three hours about the teachings of God and Jesus Christ. Three times a week, I get to also learn about the duties of a nun, even though I am not one. Afterward, I am allowed to eat something light alone in the kitchen. By that time, the rest of the nuns have already finished breakfast, and they are in their respective tasks of the day. No one speaks to me as I gather the material I need in order to clean whatever sister Jane commands me to. It usually takes me more than I would like to do this because I am not used to helping with chores.

As a lady, I was not raised to do the assignments of a maid or a slave, my duty was only to secure a husband and raise children. I was taught how to become a proper wife -even if I ignored most of my teachings-, and the ability necessary for that is not cleaning, my studies have always been focused on knitting, socializing, and making sure everything runs smoothly at home. Even when King Ecbert took me under his wing, it was not within his schooling for me to learn how to dust off or mop. My knowledge from my time with him is centered on understanding different cultures, languages, and even strategy and administration. Thus, it takes me a while to understand how to clean the stables or what to do with dirty clothes. Unluckily for me, the nuns are not very patient when teaching, and, after they explain things to me once, they expect me to do it perfectly from then onwards. Even though they do not voice it out loud, I can see them get frustrated with my lack of abilities. But cleaning things is not the worst thing that happens during my stay in the nunnery.

Right after I finish cleaning, I have to go back to sister Jane's office for more purification rites. Sometimes she deems it necessary for me to receive a few beatings with the whip, other times she just makes me take a cold bath. Going to her office, I know every time is going to be something different, yet painful. Even so, I cannot complain because the agony in my body is a lesser evil than the one in my soul when living with Alfred and his wife in the King's villa. This is better than going back to being Alfred's mistress.

The week passes by relatively fast, and I almost believe Alfred let me go when sister Emma mentions that we have a guest. Apparently, one of the princes is here to see me, and I do not need to ask who to know. I really thought he would allow me to escape.

"You left me," is the first thing he tells me once we are alone in an adjacent room.

When he arrived, he asked to see me alone, and I had to comply under the judgmental stares of all the nuns in the convent. Now, this is the greeting that he gives me. Although I should not expect anything else, it hurts me to realize that, instead of asking the reason for my departure, he simply comes to blame me. His eyes are sharp, and I can easily tell that he is angry by the slight crease in his eyebrows. I am aware that I left him without so much as an explanation, or even a goodbye. If it were for me, I would have told him the truth about my feelings before leaving, I would have probably asked for his blessing. However, things are much more complicated just for me to only consider our friendship. King Ecbert was right when he mentioned that, if Alfred wanted, he could forbid me to leave. Now, here we are, even though I managed to leave before he could stop me, he has come for me. I love Alfred, but I do not want the life that he can provide.

"I am sorry, I truly am, for not saying goodbye." My voice is gentle, yet firm. "However, I am not sorry for leaving. I believe it was the best thing for me to do."

I expect to see understanding in his eyes, yet I cannot. "Grandfather told me that you were not satisfied as my lover. He told me that you preferred to live in the nunnery than with me. I do not understand why. I felt we were happy."