Trapped Within

{Chapter 26}

("Centi Translate Mikey's Morse Code")

POV Donnie:

Mikey tapped his chest, I knew he said something, so I listened, listening to tempo, the speed, even the patterns, but I could never understand what any of it meant...moments like this made me wish I used my time to study a language like morse code instead of filling my time with trinkets and experiments, this was one of the many languages I never studied, "Wait what did he say?!", I stared at the old mutant beside me, waiting for the translation, 'I hate not knowing things...it makes me feel...', I turned back to Mikey, '-it feel so useless...', watching as he stood up carrying the child in one palm, his child, my nephew. There would be moments when I dreamed that I would have my own, I've actually been writing down ideas on how to create my own, but only one was the most ethical, I knew I would have my own kid for a while, but I never thought I would have a nephew or niece, maybe from Raph and Mona Lisa, yet it felt so surreal, I stared at the young one giggle, his scales pale, and almost having similar features to a sea turtle, he looks so much like Mikey when he was young... I watched as Centi followed his path, pushing themselves up, and walking after my brother, "Centi, what did he-"

"He said no, Donatello. He doesn't want to go through with that...", I was confused, the one thing that could make him feel free, maybe not from this place, I knew for sure the release from the pressure would feel amazing, 'why...Mikey?', Mikey walked back towards the stairs, he was ready to leave, to hide away once more, but I couldn't let him go, he need-...no...I wanted him to stay, to talk, to chat, to just...be brother once more, "Wha-, fine! I'm sorry-, I won't!...just but please don't leave me...", I stumbled as I pushed myself up to my feet, my body tremble, reaching not for Centi, the mutant closest to me, no I wanted to reach my younger brother, 'Mikey was so supposed to look up to me, to admire me, yet it's the opposite, he...hates me', I no longer reached towards him, my body was tense as I watched him leave once again, he was not selfish, in fact, I was the selfish one, I want all of this to disappear, to vanish like nothing happened, but you can't change the past, but you can change the future, "I thought I would love living alone, working in complete silence, no interruptions...", staring down at the ground, I felt so much tension, my body stiff, and shoulders slouched in, my body continued to trembled as I tried to hold still, but I wasn't still, my back hurt, hunching over for days as I continued my work, "But-...", a water drop, then another, hitting the ground one after and another, I touched my face feeling the wet tears flowing down my face, wetting my chin, "I hate that life..."

"I don't like the life of solitude, back almost years ago, I wished I was human, to live a life where I could do the things I've always wanted to do, to be who I wanted to be, which...at the time was to be alone, to be undisturbed by anyone as I work in my lab, but...", my throat squeaked as I hiccuped through my tears, "I hate it..."

I heard tapping and looked straight towards Mikey, only for the centipede to let me know that she'll translate for me, 'I hate feeling useless', so he tapped.

"So what does that have to do with me..."

'He thinks I'm blaming him', I walked towards him, only for him to step back, "...I miss our talks where you ask questions that for a second I thought were simple-minded, but instead were quite complex, I miss your presence while I worked. I missed the surprisingly well-cooked meals you create during the night while I work until dawn...".

"Surprisingly?"

"Mikey you have to remember the weir-, strange concoctions you created...", I started naming them off, chuckling as I remembered that even a few made Mikey himself throw up from the taste, "Pizza smoothie, algae cake, pizza with stuff from the garbage! Nonetheless, these are things I missed...", the tears never stopped, yet my eyes felt puffy, I hardly ever cried, supposedly from Splinter, it was a sign of weakness, yet Mom...said otherwise, "I know that it will take you some time to forgive me, let alone trust me, and I will give you the time to go with your own speed..."