Broken But Beautiful

53. I Did Something Bad, Don't Blame Me

Alya

I passed up and down the hall, looking at my phone second after second. Nothing from Nandini. I tried ringing. Switched off. 

No no no no no-

I could not leave Nandini alone tonight. No no no no-

Panic engulfed me from every side. Maybe if it was like any other years I wouldn't worry this much. Maybe she'd be just home alone. Or head to Lonavala for the day. These are the only two places she feels close enough to belong on 22nd August, and she felt close enough to at least let me know where she was before cutting contact.

Well, it was 21st August. I have not heard from her since last night and her phone's switched off. She didn't tell me where she would be.

And it wasn't like any other year.

Nandini Murthy didn't show- but I was her best friend. I knew she was broken before- but that sounded like an understatement now. Madhav. Her Parents.

Manik.

At least I had an idea of what was going on about Madhav and her parents. I could somewhat claim to understand as much as a second person could. That wasn't what scared me.

I knew nothing about what she was going through regarding Manik. It scared me in ways that made me unhinged and worried sick about my best friend. 

Those three days she stayed with me after returning from Lonavala- I thought I was seeing her pain. I thought I was taking care of it as much as I could. Then she left, and realized all I knew and understood was nothing. I didn't know the depth of her feelings for him, and it scared me. Nandini Murthy was a person who keeps the deepest feelings well protected behind her innermost walls, within the reach of only her deepest existence. No body was allowed to see it there. That was why nobody around us knew anything about Rishabh except that he was her brother and he died in an accident very young. Fuck, even I knowing the things I knew was a drunken mistake from her part. 

That was why it was scary that she wasn't talking about Manik at all. Because that meant he was that kind of someone who had reached that deep in her existence- and was now broken.

So many of these repressed energy, suppressed into a depth within her existence where no one could travel- I was afraid it had reached its limit. I was afraid it could all combust and shake her entire existence to a magnitude where nobody ever came back from.

I really wanted her to be fine. I needed her to be fine and not do anything stupid.

I ran upstairs to Mukti's room.

"Mukti, I haven't heard from Nandini since last night-"

I walked through her door and stopped. Mukti wasn't alone- Mukti, Cabir and Abhi sat together sorting through wedding stuff I didn't care enough to notice right now. I looked at Mukti and saw in her wide eyes how immediately she was alarmed- and I didn't care about that either.

"Um, Alya- let's go to your roo-"

"I can't get a hold on Nandini," I cut her off, "Since last night. I thought she'd reach out to me and let me know before she takes her time off like she always did. Been calling her all day. I even called the manager of her apartment and he says she hasn't been home all day. I'm-"

"Hold on," A perplexed Cabir walked up to me, "She must be busy doing some wedding chores, or wasn't she supposed to sort through her visa any of these days? Her phone must've died, just calm down,"

I bit my lips, staring straight at my sister- who looked as worried as I was, but yet rigid enough to be under the situation we were in.

"She isn't doing any of that tonight," I muttered.