Broken But Beautiful

42. Three.

Nandini

I should not have let him in.

I should not have kissed him back when he crushed his lips on mine. I should have melted in him when he picked me up and carried me to the bed. I definitely should not have let him kiss me to sleep. I most definitely should not have let him stay that night.

And I should not have let him come back yesterday.

But I did. And these were mistakes I was going to pay for.

Madhav could kill him if he found out about it. I would be dead if I let him do this to me when I knew it wouldn't be the ending.

But there was the cheating voice inside my head. That selfish, greedy, hungry voice who kept murmuring- three more days and I would be bound, for possibly forever. What harm could three days do? Three days of silence before the storm. Three days of peace before the lifetime of war?

I hated how dramatic that sounded. But it was the truth, and I hated that more.

But I still didn't understand- why did he come?

I was so tired when he came. So, so tired. Every bone every muscle every cell that habituated in my body was begging me to put an end to that constant agony. When I saw him on the door for that one second, there was a punch in my heart. When that second passed and he wrapped his lips on mine- it fucking exploded.

Every.

Dot.

Of.

My.

Body.

Reawakened.

And that was bad. That was so bad for both him and I.

I wasn't capable of brining any good in his life anymore. His kiss and his hands and his body and his whispers in my ears had started giving me hopes he mostly definitely wasn't intending on giving.

Because he couldn't. There was nothing he could do. And every bone every muscle every cell of my body knew that. Every nerve my brain inherited knew of my fears and my shortcomings. They knew my cravings and my desires. They also knew what I could do about them- which was nothing.

So, I officially hated my life.

But what I hated the most right now was that Manik had left this morning without saying goodbye. And he hadn't texted all day.

All day also meant 7 hours, because he left at 7 and now it was 2 at noon. I was forking my spaghetti around on the plate, wondering why he hadn't texted yet or tried to call me or tell me why he left without waking me up- even though I should've been thinking about how in next three days my life was officially turning into a hell feast.

It was ridiculous to think about that, though. Considering that meant I had to rethink about how my life was not hell right now, which also made me laugh out loud like a maniac.

"Why are you laughing like that?" Ramu kaka said gently, setting the coffee mug down on the table. I was in his cafe alone, having lunch, staring at my phone obsessively every two seconds.

How did I survive all these days without being with him? I couldn't sit straight for seven hours here. Where did all that self- restraint go?

"Nothing, kaka," I tried putting on the best smile I could muster for now. He smiled back, an encouraging, wise one- and all on a sudden there were tears gathering on my eyes.

What the hell was wrong with my emotion radar.

"So you are getting engaged with that man?" He sighed, sitting down opposite me on the booth. It was crowded outside the booth, but the corner I always sit on was quite distant from others and thus a lot more privacy than one could intend for in a regular cafe like this. I looked around the crowd- smiling, laughing, actual people, living through their life, having problems, discussing with their mates, cheering on them and moving on. I saw a group of college students gathering around a guy with a guitar and there was a sudden tint in my heart.