MAROON

LI. Sixth Year: So My Boyfriend Is A Stag

December 9, 1977 (Friday)

KIAN ANSEL CRESSWELL

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Kian was dreaming of him again.

He was sitting under the same tree with Aidan. Aidan had his arm around him and Kian was resting his head on Aidan shoulder. Kian had ended up here every night for the last 20 days. They just sat here in each other's arms. They didn't kiss. They just sat there and talked.

"You have to let me go, you know?" Aidan announced into the comfortable silence that had settled between them.

"I know, but I can't."

Aidan connected their fingers before he brought Kians hand up to his mouth and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. "Yes you can."

He knew he could let Aidan go, it would be easy, but he didn't want to. "I don't want to let you go. I want to come here every night."

"Ki, you have to let yourself grieve me. You can't fully do that if you continue to come here every night. I'm dead. I've been dead for 20 days. You have to grieve and move on."

"I don't want to move on. I love you and I don't want that to change."

Aidan was silent for a moment before speaking. "It was always you, you know?"

That comment caught him off guard. "What do you mean it was always me?"

"I've liked you since I met you, Kian. I always knew I felt differently about you than I did about Regulus and Hezekiah, but I just thought it was because you were more of a brother to me. I didn't realize..."

The realization dawned on him. "You realized in fourth year, didn't you? That's- that's why you came out to me wasn't it? You wanted me to say I liked you."

Aidan gave him a small nod. "When you didn't say anything... it fucking hurt. I wanted to get over you, but you wouldn't leave my head. That's when I started hooking up with all those guys and girls. When I was with them... it was the only time you left my head."

Kian rested his head against the tree trunk. "We wasted so many years."

"I was so determined to get over you because I knew I couldn't ever be with you. I stayed with Tanya in specific for so long because I knew that I could be with her and I was trying so fucking hard to make myself like her. With Connor, Daniel, and Ezra, the hookup in secret thing was fine, but I never wanted that with you and I knew that's all I could ever have. I wanted more than that and I knew I could never have more."

Kians heart ached. "Is this real? Or is this just me dreaming about you saying this all because this is exactly what I want to hear you say?"

"This obviously isn't real, I'm dead and you are just asleep, but I mean everything I say, Ki. This is really me saying this."

"Promise?"

"I promise," Aidan promised. "It's almost morning now, it's time for you to let me go."

Kian wanted to argue, but he knew it was no use. He knew he had to let Aidan go. He leaned forward and rested their foreheads together. "I love you."