Muted // Felix-centric

Chapter 1

When the boy asked me a 'yes' or 'no' question, I shook my head in the negative, which made him confused.
"Jisung, you didn't really think that just because he was wearing a mask that he couldn't talk, did you?" the intimidating-looking boy asks. Jisung, I just heard, puts on a pout and then looks at me. "Then why don't you talk to us? Do we look unfriendly? I swear by my grandmother's clothes that we're quite nice," Jisung says, raising his hand as a sign that he really means it. But I just look at him funny because of his vow.
“Okay, maybe Hyunjin here,” the intimidating boy, “may seem a little mean and intimidating,” nailed the point, “and Seungmin here,” the boy who resembles a puppy, “can seem a little grumpy and mean too, but I promise you, they're all lovely and I'm innocence personified," Jisung begs me, blinking his eyes innocently, but his friends burst out laughing.

“Don’t believe a word he says. He’s just very desperate to find new friends,” says Seungmin, completely forgetting our previous conversation. "Yeah, and why? Because you and the hyungs are impossible. The only 'normal' one is Jeongin and unfortunately he's not in this class with us," Jisung whines. I just stare at the three boys, confused and overwhelmed.
No one has talked to me in a year, let alone talked me like that. It's not that no one wants to talk to me, but I ignore them all or just don't respond and that drives them all away because I'm 'boring' and kind of creepy. But that's okay. My goal was to not have to talk to anyone anymore and I achieved that. They leave me alone and I leave them alone.

But these guys are different. If I'm honest, I'm a little jealous of their friendship and this Jisung seems like a fun boy.
“But seriously, why don’t you talk to us if you can,” Hyunjin suddenly asks again, tearing me out of my thoughts.
But before I can do anything, someone sneaks up behind them, causing them to immediately turn around.

"Because he hasn't done it for a year," says the boy, who turns out to be Wooyoung. He used to be my friend, but that was years ago. Now he gives me a smile every now and then, but otherwise we go out the way. "The talking, I mean. He stopped all of a sudden and no one has heard his voice for a year, not even his sister. Some people are already saying that he doesn't have a voice any more after months of not using it," Wooyoung explains to the boys and on the one hand I'm grateful to him, hoping that the three boys will leave me alone, but on the other hand it also feels like he shoved a dagger on me. He was my friend after all and now he talks about me like that but I'm fine...

"Oh, really?" Jisung asks and looks at me with sad eyes, but I ignore the look and just nod without changing my expression. I act like I don't care, that's the only way people leave me alone and don't ask questions, but new people are never a good sign. “Well then, I’m your new best friend now and I’ll talk for you,” Jisung concludes firmly. My eyes immediately widen and I stare wide-eyed at Jisung and then at his friends, who just shake their heads slightly. While Jisung sits down next to me and Hyunjin and Seungmin sit behind me and Jisung, Wooyoung stays in front of us.
“Didn’t you hear me? He won’t talk to you,” Wooyoung says again.

"I heard you and I said I'll do the talking... By the way what's your name?" Jisung then asks, looking at me after staring into Wooyoung's eyes for a long time. I just blink in confusion and then look at a piece of paper he pushes towards me with a pen on it. I take the pen a little hesitantly and write my name on the paper with a shaking hand. The two boys from behind look over our shoulders until I hear Seungmin whisper my name.

"Lee Felix... that's a nice name. Doesn’t it mean something like luck or something like that,” Seungmin asks and I just nod, still overwhelmed by the situation.
Wooyoung has now sat down in his seat which is on the other side in the middle row.
He once sat where Jisung sits now...
I ignore the pain in my chest and just focus on... my new friends? I don't really know what to think of them yet, except that Seungmin and Hyunjin seem mean but are actually quite nice and Jisung is a bit pushy but funny. It's been a long time since I've had friends. The three of them seem nice to me, but can I really let them into my life?

I will never be able to meet them after school because I have to pick up my sis. I will never be able to invite them home because of my father. I will never be able to respond to them. I will never be able to tell anything about myself because my past is too painful. I'll never be able to do with them what friends usually do. I will never be able to be a true friend. So, can I really be friends with them? And what if they ask questions that I can't answer? What if they are paying attention and they notice something about me? I can't do that.

During class I ignore Jisung's attempts to talk to me. I also ignore the looks from my classmates who are surprised why the new students, who are really good-looking by the way, bother with someone like me. I know what everyone thinks of me. I'm the strange, silent and probably ugly boy. Why do they think I'm ugly, you may wanna know? Because I always wear a black mask and my dark hair hangs down to my eyes, covering my entire face. I also always wear a black hoodie and black pants. There are also students who say that I just slipped into an emo phase last year.

But I don't care what they think of me. Only this year, then everything will be over. Everything... the loud voices, the looks at me, not saying anything and the pain. Everything will change. I just have to endure this year...
After class finally ends, I was about to leave the classroom when Jisung grabs my arm, which makes me jump briefly and I immediately pull my arm back. On the one hand because it reminds me too much of my father and because he reopened the healing wounds on my arm. I can already feel the blood collecting on my bandages again and slowly making them moist.

"O-Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Did I hurt you?" Jisung immediately asks worried, which makes Hyunjin and Seungmin look at me, but I just shake my head and pull my injured arm towards me as if I were hugging it and want to protect it. "O-Okay. I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to accompany us to the cafeteria. Our friends are waiting for us there," Jisung says. More friends? I don't think so... I shake my head again and then turn around and walk into the hallway without looking at her again, but I hear Wooyoung say something else to the boys... "I warned you. I'd rather stay away from him. He's... different..."

I just sigh and then, with tears in my eyes, run to the stairs, which I follow up to the roof. I close the door behind me. Normally no one is allowed up here, since this accident, but I have peace and quiet here. Nobody comes here and nobody speaks to me here. Here I can take my mask down and breathe deeply. Here I can take care of my wounds without anyone getting in the way. Here I can, be me... more or less. Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to talk. But here I can just let my thoughts run wild.

Now I sit here and think of my mother. I miss her so much. She always knew the right words in every situation. Even though I only had her in my life for seven years, she was everything to me. I will never forgive my father for taking her away from me. He was the reason Mum left and I'll never forget that.
I love you and will never forget you. I hope we will see each other very soon...
Whenever I'm here I feel so close to her. I don't know if it's because I'm up here or because I'm alone and have the chance to be free and think about her. At home I wouldn't even have the opportunity to think about her because all I can think about is my miserable life, my violent father, my innocent sister and this cruel world.
I always feel like I'm trapped in my own room.

After half an hour I make my way back downstairs, but look at this one place one last time... this one place where I lost an important person for the second time in my life, even though they left me first and I don't mean after his death. No, before that. This person was everything to me after my mother left me. But he exposed me that day and made me look like a monster. I was only able to show myself here again after I was years older and no longer looked like I did back then.
It was terrible... my life is terrible, but the most terrible thing is that I miss him. I miss him so much even though he hurt me. He abandoned me even though I still needed him. And when I was finally able to talk to him again, he left me forever. I lost him forever.

Why Jinyoung? Why did you do it?

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

So here you go.

The first chapter. I hope.you liked it so far and I think you already can guess in which direction I'm going.

I will update every FRIDAY unless I finished earlier!!!

I hope you like the story and will leave a nice comment and a vote.

Thank you

~chichi