Dangerously Close

35.

What does it mean to be jealous?

This was the first time encountering such feeling and it placed Jaejin in a state of confusion. He was able to hide his wandering thoughts when he went shopping with his mother and made it through a long dinner with her. 

He easily sent Isla away to get the solitude he needed. 

After watching the door shut tightly and hearing the lock slamming into place, the smile on Jaejin's face dropped instantly.

"Jealous. I am jealous," he whispered in the the large and empty penthouse. 

He went over the meanings of the word he looked up after speaking with Adam. 

 - Resentful of someone's advantages; fiercely protective of one's possessions.

Yes, he was jealous of Shaun's advantages over him. He was the one who was in a relationship with Eros. He was the one who helped Eros breakthrough that wall of cold indifference. He was the one who bonded with Eros on a sexual level.

Jaejin clenched his fists tightly. He was agitated greatly. He wished he was Shaun to experience those moments with Eros. Though their times before he left were special, he still felt the resentment. Shaun helped Eros through a major emotional hurdle, wouldn't that place him in an important position in Rose's life.

A deep frown marred the Jaejin's fair and delicate face. He looked around the penthouse in a daze. "Did they spend some of those moments here? What of the bed? He never shared this bed with Rose." 

Jaejin was falling in a pit of insecurity and restlessness. He couldn't bare to enter the room after that wayward thought. 

Thoughts of fighting Shaun for Eros came to his mind; silly scenarios of confessions and schemes took over his imagination. When the most stupid scenario of Eros coldly abandoning him in the eyes of everyone came up, Jaejin was pulled back to reality by the harsh ringtone of his phone.

Looking at the caller on the screen, he pressed ignore in a state of panic. 

His emotions were unstable.

"How stupid can you be?" he said aloud. 

Jaejin made his way up the stairs and once more ignored the second incoming call on his phone. 

Throwing the device on the bed, he decided to take a long shower to regain his senses. Just a simple mention of a past lover sent him into a tailspin. How pathetic that was. Jaejin began to admonish himself for his thought process but the lingering feelings were there. 

Leaving the shower, he did everything mechanically and found himself behind his laptop searching for photos and information of this Shaun.
Eros gave him basic information of the guy and explained their relationship was based only on sex. He didn't go further on their time together. At that time, Jaejin placed that 'ex-lover' as a passerby because his and Rose's relationship was in the early stages. 

Looking at the search results of Shaun, Jaejin tortured his psyche in viewing each photo of the MMA fighter and information revealed about him. He began to draw comparisons between them, from their looks to their career. He found himself pairing Shaun and Eros and listing how alike they were. They were a dominant pair in Jaejin's eyes - they were perfect for this new life he was slowly learning about. 

"Even I won't mind having him if I was a 'top'," he muttered as he listened to a Sports Channel interview of Shaun. His smile was blinding and reflected beautifully in his brown eyes. His tough exterior seem to soften when he did so. This fighter was gorgeously handsome. Someone found a high school photo of the guy and did a side by side comparison. Even back then he was a looker. 
"This is who I'm competing with. Bah! Jaejin who? You have to ask if we stand together."