Another Love Another time

Chapter 34: Holding back

Auggie

I take a deep breath and walk through the door. If I know River, she's made a list of things she'd want to talk about, but I know she would not have planned to talk about the news Melissa just dropped. I have no clue how she's going to react. I just hope she gives me a chance to explain. I know this has thrown her list out the window. When I thought about our conversation tonight, I had assumed we'd discuss whatever she wanted to and then I would tell her about the news Melissa beat me too, but I'm sure that topic has shot up on the list of things she will want to discuss. I tried to text River earlier to let her know I was on my way. I wish she had texted me back earlier to let me know Melissa was here. She should have heard it from me. I thought it was strange when Melissa took off earlier leaving the guys and myself to deliver her shit to her parents. She must have overheard that I was coming over here to talk to River. God I've been a fucking idiot. I wish I had seen through her earlier.

As I close the door, I see her walk into the room and what I see breaks my heart. She's trying to be strong, but she's silently crying. I've hurt her again. I know I should have told her as soon as it happened, but I was in denial. At the time I couldn't believe it had happened. I was devastated and disgusted that I could have let something like that happen. I couldn't even admit to myself that it had happened. I knew I was being coward when I didn't tell her, but I wanted her first time to be with me. I know it was selfish to take her virginity, letting her believe that we lost it to each other, but I just couldn't bear her losing it to anyone else. I know that makes me an asshole. I hope she can forgive me for this.

I walk further into the room, and I want to comfort her, but I don't think she wants that person to be right now... She's not saying anything, so I sit down in her recliner and start, "I just want to start by saying I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean anything now, but I came here planning to tell you tonight."

I stand back up when I see her rushing up to me and screams, "You planned on telling me now! What about before I gave my virginity to you! What about when I first moved here? I can't believe you. All you do is hurt me Auggie! Why do I fucking continue to let you hurt me. I love you, but I fucking hate you!" She falls to her knees, and I try to go to her, but she pushes me off. I've done this. I thought I was protecting her feelings, but I was really protecting myself.

"Why can't I love anyone else! You don't fucking deserve me!" She's right, I don't deserve her. I have never deserved her. I've took her for granted and I'm afraid that I may have finally crossed the point of no return. I don't know what to say other than, "You're right." She's still crying. I'm not sure if she's even listening. "I was a coward and selfish River. I was so scared of losing you and I didn't want you to lose something so special to anyone else."

"Don't you think I should have been given that option? It was special to me. I waited for you! For you Auggie!" She gets up and starts pushing my chest, "And you" push, "gave" push "yours" push "to" push "fucking" push "Melissa!" push "I hate you!" I knew it would go this way. I'm not sure if she will ever forgive me for this. I rub my hands down my face and realize I'm crying too. I've sure made a mess of things.

"I am truly sorry River. I've never wanted to hurt you. Ask me anything you want. I promise this is the last thing I've kept from you. You know everything else."

"Like I can believe you. You've both lied or omitted the truth to me; I don't know what I should believe. You said you only slept with her twice, but I can't even believe that. All this time, you've made me look stupid Infront of her." She sneers, her tears drying up.

"I know. I know there is nothing I can say to fix this. Still, you can ask me anything. I want to be able to explain. I promise I didn't ever plan on touching Melissa. I don't even know how it even happened. One minute I was sleeping and the next thing I know I wake up and was having sex." She cocks her head seemingly thinking about something.