Another Love Another time

Chapter 8: Boyfriends/Girlfriends

River: Age 15 River 

I cannot believe what I am seeing. My mom and dad finally let me create an account on Facebook and my first friend request goes to Auggie. His mom and dad let him have a Facebook account last year, a lot of the communication from his baseball team and tournaments he goes to are communicated through Facebook. I hop on to his news feed to be nosy; curious what kinds of things that he posts. I start at the top and start scrolling down. He's tagged in a few of the team pictures. He's shared a few memes and videos that are kind of funny. He's wished his mom a happy birthday. Auggie must have his profile public because I am getting a view of everything. I keep scrolling when my eyes land on a picture of Auggie and a girl kissing. My heart drops to my stomach and there is an ache in my chest. I recognize the girl immediately. It's the girl who he had to carry up from the beach last year, when he left me in the water. Amber was her name, I think, it's confirmed when I see who tagged him in the post. Well, she got what she wanted. I know we have spoken about girlfriends and boyfriends, but I didn't count on it hurting this much. Seeing his lips on some else makes me sick. The picture is like a bad car accident, I just can't look away. He hasn't had a lot of time to talk lately. I thought it was sports keeping him busy, but it looks like he has had other things to do. What if he starts to have no time for me? The ache is my chest grows. I can't lose my best friend. Why wouldn't he tell me?

I've kissed one boy other than Auggie and afterwards I felt guilty. It doesn't look like he feels guilty looking at this picture. I know he's kissed other girls, I just haven't ever seen it with my own eyes. What if she doesn't like him talking to me. I heard the things she was saying on the beach, I don't think she would like to know that we talk/text daily. My mom has asked me what I would do when he does get a girlfriend. She knows how I feel about Auggie, but she also thinks it's good for neither one of us to get serious right now, but she did ask what would I do if one of Auggie's girlfriends didn't like the fact that we did talk daily? Surely, he wouldn't choose them over me, right? How will I act if he brings a girlfriend around me? We are supposed to head up to visit them in a few weeks. Will he bring her around? I look down again and see another picture of them together. This time it feels like a knife twisting in my heart. My Auggie, he has her in a side hug and he's looking into the camera, with a big smile plastered on his face. Amber is looking up at him looking all giddy. Auggie and her seem like they are pretty cozy. She tagged him in her post referring to Auggie as her boyfriend. Ugh! Auggie has a girlfriend and apparently, they kiss a lot as I scroll through other pictures, she has tagged him in. He hasn't posted anything about her, and all pictures are posted by her. I don't blame her; I would definitely post that too. She's pretty; Amber has brown hair with highlights that is long and wavy. I can tell she wears a lot of make-up and doesn't look like a clown. I try not to compare myself to her, but it's hard. I don't ever wear a lot of makeup. If I do its usually mascara and the only thing, cherry chap stick is the closest think that I use to lipstick. Well now I wish my mom would have never let me have an account. I hold my chest, there is still an ache in the middle of my chest, and I take a deep breath in hopes that I can ease it.

I hate that she's been taking him away from our daily talks. It seems that any free time he has he's been spending with her according to the pictures posted to his timeline. My chest still hurts and continues ache. Why didn't he tell me? I know this is what I wanted, I told him to date other girls, but he's never put a label on it, and I really didn't think through the fact I may have to see it with my own two eyes. I know this is the right thing for us right now, it just really hurts. I guess I'm glad I know now verses going up there and finding out. What do I do? He's going to know I know about her when he sees my friend request. Do I bring it up or do I let it go like it doesn't bother me? We have kissed several times since the first time we kissed, and we have experimented with other things. He's the only guy that I have done anything with. What is wrong with me? Who would encourage the boy they love to go out with other girls? I think it would be pretty unfair of me to ask him to not date. I know he would if I asked him, but he should experience being able to have a girlfriend. He should be able to see his girlfriend every day and get to do things with them on a regular basis. Auggie has discussed going to the same college together after we graduate high school to play softball and baseball. I'm hopeful he gets all these girls out of his system, and we will be ready to be together than. Although I told tell him that.