Another Love Another time

Chapter 25: You still don't see it

Auggie

Hearing her tell me how much seeing me with Melissa hurt her kills me. Hearing that she only married her husband to help him is a relief, hearing she dated other assholes makes me green with envy. After what she saw I don't blame her for trying to move on. I'm glad she's had someone to lean on even though it couldn't be me. I never thought that I would lose her. I did take her for granted and when I lost her, I lost a piece of myself.

I should not have kissed her especially without her knowing my side, but all I can think about is she's getting a divorce. She's. Getting. A. Divorce. Something flickers in my heart, something I haven't felt in a long time comes to life. Hope. I don't want to tell River my side. I know this little bit of happiness I'm feeling is going to be doused out once I tell her everything and the only person to blame is myself. I understand she doesn't like Melissa, but it's hard for me to think of Melissa the same way River describes her. I've gotten to know her a lot better in the last five years as someone that wouldn't let me fail even when I didn't care if I failed myself. She was there for me when I needed someone. There were days I didn't want to get up and she made sure I got up. I owe her everything for where I am now. River clears her throat bringing me out of my thoughts. "Where do I start?" I question.

"At the beginning." She answers.

I know what she's meaning. This is not going to be an easy conversation, but one that is long overdue. I take a deep breath and let it out, "The night of prom I wasn't lying. The only person I wanted to be there with was you. When I took you to the bathroom and was waiting, Melissa approached me after you walked into the bathroom. She said that she needed to talk to me for a minute. I didn't see any harm in that, but I also didn't want to upset you so I pulled her around the corner, close enough that I should be able to hear you come out of the bathroom, but when we got around the corner she shocked me by confessing that she had loved me forever, but finally realized that night that I would never give her a chance as long as you were in my life."

River scoffs and mumbles she found a way to get me out of your life. I shake my head not knowing for sure what she is saying.

"I knew she always had a crush on me, but I didn't feel anything for her. Anyway, she said she understood if I didn't return the feelings, but she did ask for one kiss just as a goodbye. She told me she would leave me alone. It was just a kiss and I know this sounds like an excuse, but we were not together, so I figured it was okay. It had not meant anything to me. I know you said it was a hard no for you, but I thought in my stupid brain that it was harmless. She said she knew I belonged with you." I can see the steam coming out of River's ears "Saying it out loud right now, I know how stupid that is, but I felt bad at the time." I wince. "It was just a kiss, what harm could it really cause and then I could have the rest of my night with you. I know I was an idiot. Believe me I've heard from Logan." I know I sound like an idiot. I can tell by the way that River is looking at me that, to her, it was not just a kiss, I can't imagine what she was going through when she saw me kissing Melissa. I continue.

"So, what you saw wasn't us together or getting together. After we kissed, she asked me if anything changed for me. I told her it didn't and then we went our separate ways. I went back to find you. I must have taken longer than I thought because you weren't by the bathroom, so I yelled in there, but you weren't in there. I thought maybe you went back into the dance. When I didn't see you, I started to get worried. I had a bad feeling I couldn't shake. I started asking the group to help look for you. It wasn't until I heard screaming that I started to run towards the noise, and I saw you lying on the ground that I knew my gut had been right. Logan had found you first and had already had you covered with his jacket." I'm breathing heavily remembering her laying there. Still to this day I can see it clear as day. "I didn't recognize you. If it wasn't for your dress I wouldn't have known, it was you." I feel myself getting worked up, "I should have been with you. I will never be able to apologize enough that I wasn't there to protect you from your attacker and for that I'm sorry. I should have been there. And then when you wouldn't let me ride in the ambulance with you, I knew you blamed me for whatever had happened to you. At the time all kinds of things were running through my head. All I wanted to do was to hold you and make sure you were okay. When you refused to see me, I was going crazy. I didn't leave the hospital until I knew you were no longer there. Even after your dad drug me out of your room I still couldn't leave. You're right. I did lie to you that day when you give me the opportunity to tell you the truth. I didn't know you had seen Melissa and me, but I knew how you felt about it. I didn't want to upset you when the kiss didn't mean anything."