Another Love Another time

Chapter 24: Rhondy

River

"The first week of basic training was hard. I didn't know anyone. I cried myself to sleep every night. My face was still a little messed up. Everyone assumed I was there by court order because I looked like I'd gotten into fights. I just let them think that. Everyone left me alone; I mean I did look pretty scary." I laugh a little.

"Week two was a little better It was funny; I went to the army to learn how to protect myself and instead they taught me how to lean on a team. I met Baxter when I was in basic training. At first, he was annoying; giving me shit about having a black eye, calling me Rhonda Rousey. "Rhondy" for short. Then everyone started calling me that even my drill sergeants. I tried to keep to myself, but he just kept chipping away at the walls I put up. Then one day we were put in this team challenge: two males and two females. He was one of the males in my group. The challenge was a tower with many levels. The goal was to get all four team members to the top and down working together as a team by trusting one another to use only your team to get you from one level to another." I look at Auggie and look back down to my hands. "This was a hard exercise for me. I went to the army so I would feel strong and independent and now they were asking me to trust someone with my life. I didn't know if I could trust anyone after the one person, I trusted most had let me down." Auggie tries to interrupt, but I raise my hand." Just let me get it out. I trusted you above everyone else and when I needed you, you weren't there, you were with her. You broke something in me. How could I trust these people I just met." I pause trying to gather my emotions. "Anyways, Baxter sensed my hesitancy so without calling me out he let me know that he would have my back; that I could trust him not to let me fall. The whole way up and back down he was letting me know he'd be there and when I was safely back on the ground I started to cry. He blocked me so no one could see what going on. Once I pulled myself together, he acted like nothing happened."

"So, he swooped in and took my place and you thought why don't I just marry him?" He responds angrily.

"Are you kidding me? Just let me finish." I growl at him.

"That night we had guard duty together and he told me he knew something happened, that he wouldn't pressure me into talking about it, but that he was there if I needed someone to talk to. After that we got closer. He was there when I needed someone to talk to. I eventually told him everything including everything about you."

"Oh, I bet he loved that.", he states sarcastically.

"Actually, he encouraged me to reach out to you.", he seems a little taken aback by that. "After basic training I knew we were both headed to the same training facility. I met his family at basic training, and they reminded me of my family. We got closer during our training; he became someone who I started to rely on and vice versa and like it was fate our first duty station was the same place. I was grateful because he was so outgoing, and he pulled me out of my comfort zone. He became my best friend." I looked at Auggie and I saw the pain my words caused. I go on, "I needed him because I couldn't have you in my life. I still blamed you. Then my dad passed away." It's still hard talking about my dad dying. "Before I left for the funeral Baxter encouraged me to reach out to you while I was back, and I agreed it was time. I needed you." I look up and hold his stare, because I need him to see how painful this next part is for me. I can feel the tears coming.  "Then when I saw you and Melissa was with you, I knew I lost you." I barely get out. Saddened not only about talking about my dad, but the loss of Auggie too.

"River.", he croaks out.

"No let me finish. I needed you to be there for me, I needed you and you stood by to be with her." I give myself a minute and start again. He goes to reach for my hand, but I pull it back. I can't have him touching me right now.

"I couldn't be around you. I loved you, but I couldn't see you with her. When I got back Baxter was there for me, but he had his own issues. His mom had lost her job and she had to get something that paid less, it was barely enough to pay the bills. She had his siblings to take care of. He was already sending her money, but he couldn't afford to send her anymore. I had heard other soldiers getting married and getting paid extra for being away from their spouses. We had just received our orders to our next duty station, and we were going to different locations. I didn't really have anything to lose. So, I suggested that we get married and the extra money he could send back to his mom. He was dead set against it at first, but I wore him down. The next week we went down and got married and I took his last name."

"So what? You're married, but..."

"We are married, but in name only. He's my best friend, my sounding board."

"What?" He's silent for a minute, clearly trying to process everything I just told him. His first question surprises me, "How long are you going to stay married?"

"That's the thing, Baxter's making enough now that he doesn't need the extra money. His mom has also gotten a better job, so he doesn't need to send her money anymore. When he comes to visit, we are finalizing our divorce."

"Wow, that's a lot. How do you feel about that?", he questions.

"It's time. I'm good. I know he's ready too. It's going to be the most amicable divorce ever. You know how hard it is to explain to guys while you're dating that you are married, but you are free to date." I laugh.

"So have you had any boyfriends?", he questions.

I scoff, "Boyfriends no, dating yes, but between being deployed and trying to finish school I didn't have a lot of time to dedicate to anything else. I dated here and there messed around." I shrug like it's no big deal. "There was one guy that pursued me pretty hard, and I thought about using him to get over you. He was perfect, but I just couldn't. He wanted to settle down and have a family and I didn't want that; at least not with him. It wouldn't have been fair to him to drag into a relationship knowing I couldn't give him what he wanted."

"What would he have wanted?", he asks.

"My heart." I whisper.

"Why not, why couldn't you give it to him?"

"Ugh!  Because as much as I wanted to hate you, I compared every guy to you, which only made me want to hate you more. I thought of you every day and just when I thought I could go a day or two without thinking of you, something would remind me of you. It wasn't fair, so I just stopped dating all together. And then I realized realized that I still loved you. 

"Here's the thing Auggie, I know I deserve better than you gave me growing up. Even in our friendship, I was a better friend,  but I still love you and I hate myself for still wanting you. I hate myself for missing you. I tried to move on and you were always in the back of my mind, I didn't have to explore my feeling with anyone to know that; not like you did, but you didn't fucking choose me." Before I even know what's happening his lips are on mine. At first, I want to push him away, but fuck Melissa. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I need this so I take it. Our tongues move in sync like they've done this all their lives and, in a way, we have been doing this all our lives. These last couple of months have been hell not being able to kiss him like this. I don't want him to be with Melissa. I want him for myself. Especially now that he knows the truth. I can feel his hand start to creep up under my shirt, I don't want to stop at just this kiss, but I know I need to hear his side before we take it any further.  I slow down the kissing until our foreheads are the only thing touching and we are breathing each other in. 

Thanks for reading Auggie and River's story! I appreciate your support. I love reading all of your comments and feedback. Please know this part of the story that we are entering is so far the hardest to write. Please be gentle. :)