part time soulmates, full time problem

Anxious Mind

Now that you had come to realise that this was just how Clint was, you didn't avoid him after your late night training session, like you had done after the dinner incident. You did find yourself distancing a little from Wanda, not that anything was wrong with her constant kindness and optimism, but it just didn't feel like it was going to help right now. You felt like your mind was moving too fast for her to not pick up on it, and you just weren't ready to talk to her about it.

You tried to strike a balance between not socialising with the team too much, and attending enough daily activities to not arouse suspicion. As the days dragged on, you heard a lot more talk about the next mission, but only ever in passing. Some castle or something - you hadn't yet been part of the conversations, and assumed you would be told if you were needed.

You heard no mention of the terrace camera either.

It was two weeks after the party before a general briefing was announced. Tony and Steve felt like they had found the ringleader of this bioweapon - which, honestly you had completely forgotten about while dealing with your own drama.

The mission was another event, to take place in a few weeks, which somehow surprised you. Either Tony planned every mission to coincide with a fancy ball, or it was purely coincidental. You didn't think it was the latter.

Even though you had spent the entire meeting forcing your eyes to only look between Tony and Steve, somehow you kept catching glimpses of Bucky standing across the room from you. Clint was right - you were wound up. Frustrated. It had been so long since the last time you had had sex with anyone, and all this stuff with Bucky just reminded you how much you missed the physical contact, the burning ecstasy, the satisfying release while not worrying about anything else in the world.

When your eyes found his again, you found that you didn't look away this time. You noticed his eyebrow twitch, as if he was about to silently question you, but he had stopped it just in time. While the meeting continued in the background, your mind wandered to how you could scratch this itch without ruining your place in the team. Whether you could just use him for a night, and move past it. Whether he was thinking the same.

You snapped back to reality when the team started moving towards the door, the meeting having ended without you paying any attention at all to what the plans were. Then you noticed Nat walking up to Bucky, her hand going to his arm, leaning in to whisper something in his ear. His eyes left yours as he focused on her, and you felt the jealous anger flaring up in your stomach.

It took you a couple of seconds to realise you were storming out of the room and heading to your own bedroom. You must have spent an hour sitting on the giant windowsill, staring out at the grounds, just thinking over and over about Bucky and Nat being together, and how it somehow felt like Bucky had been toying with you since the start. There was no way you could date someone in the team, and just move on being colleagues, could there? Bucky and Nat must have something still lingering, because they didn't exactly avoid each other. Maybe they were still dating, and this thing with you was just Bucky's idea of a fun game on the side.

Deep in your spiralling, maladaptive thoughts, there was a knock on the door that made your head whip round. Who would be coming to see you? Clint always met you in the vents, or texted you beforehand. Steve and Sam you always saw while training. The knock was light, and polite. Too polite for it to be Tony.

"Luka? It's me."

Wanda.

You sighed, realising that you had not paid enough attention to your friendship with Wanda lately. Maybe that's what made you cross your room and open the door. She smiled sadly at you.

"I just wanted to check on you. It feels like I've barely seen you since the party." She said, and it gave you a pang of guilt.

"Yeah I...sorry, I've just had a lot on my mind. Do you want to come in?" You asked, and she seemed to brighten a little as she nodded. Stepping aside to let her wander in, you saw her eyes drift immediately to the broken closet door that you still hadn't fixed. "I uhh...trained a bit too hard."