My Perfect Addiction

Chapter Forty-Five

I woke up and looked over Joey was asleep in the chair next to the bed. I couldn't help but smile looking over at him. I slid from the bed and grabbed my wrist feeling the ache in it. I walked over to the bathroom and closed the door. I ran the shower, I hate hospital showers they are awful but I just can't stand the grungy feel anymore. I looked in the mirror and as much as I have been going through there suddenly a faint twinkle back in my eye. I like to say I didn't know why, but deep deep down I knew. It was Joe and having him here to go through this with. 

I slipped in the shower just trying to get the gross feeling off of me, and try to get feeling like some semblance of myself again. When I walked back into the room there he was sitting on the foot of the bed on his phone. He looked over and smiled and I couldn't help it my heart skipped a beat.

"Morning baby!"

"Hey"

"was wondering where you were for a minute."

"In the shower, what you doing?"

He didn't say a word just smiled and turned the phone around. There on the screen was Remi and Stryker. I was so happy to see the baby, see my brother I almost cried. I rushed over next to him and snatched the phone from his hand. 

Her face lit up at the baby and I watched finally a real smile cross her face. When she was in the shower the doctor came in thats why I am awake and told me that they were going to release her  tomorrow. They are confident that what happened was a stress breakdown and they are just going to refer her to the therapist to follow up. I want to ask her to come back home and finish recovering there or at the very least let me stay over at her place. I like to say it was to just help her with the baby and get her settled back in, but truth of the matter is I want to try again. to work on things, work on us. Knowing that this breakup was the cause of her trying to end of her life makes me sick. It also shows me that deep in her heart and in her soul she doesn't want it this way as much as I don't. 

I didn't realize she was nudging my arm trying to hand me my phone back. I was too deep in my thoughts. 

"Joe...hello Joeyyyyy"

"oh shit sorry"

"where did you just go?"

"Thinking...."

"Everything okay?"

I watched him look up at me with them damn blue eyes that always had me, to be honest they still do. I don't think they ever won't.

"Ry Ry let me ask you something....."

"okay"

"The doctor ate in well you were in the bathroom and said they are going to release you tomorrow morning. When they do would you think about coming back home with me."

" I don't know Joey...."

"I could just come stay at your place, help with the baby till your feeling more yourself."

There was a desperation in his voice, but I was also so conflicted. After everything my head tells me its a horrible idea but my heart wants it more than I am willing to admit to myself or anyone else for that matter. I look up to see him looking at me.

"Ryder......"

She sat silently for what felt like forever. With every passing second the more my nerves were ready to do me in. Finally all I heard was a soft sigh,

"I guess I can come back with the baby and stay for a little while at your house....."

He left up and pulled me into his arms excitedly and pressed his lips on mine. I couldn't help but moan against them because it honestly just felt so good, so right. I just worry that he thinks just because I am coming home for a little while that we are back together. Honestly this is probably the worst idea but I just can't help it...maybe I just don't want too.

We spent the entire day together, honestly I really didn't even see the nurses or doctors much, really just at shift changes and rounds. Joey said he thinks they are just letting me be because they only still have me here because its mandated because of my suicide attempt. Looking at it now I still can't even believe I did that. It was just the build up of everything I was feeling over not being with Joe. It was seven as we were both laying in the bed me resting against his chest when he leans up,

"Ry Ry you hungry?"

"Considering I refuse to eat this hospital food yeah...."

"You want me to get some food"

"please"

"what you feel like eating baby?"

"Taco Bell"

"You got it...here take my phone order us some food on Uber Eats, ill be right back."

"Where you going?"

"Just to the bathroom,  why gonna miss me?"

I chuckled figuring she just brush off what I said, what I got when I looked up at her was her blushing slightly, with this look in her eyes I haven't seen in what felt like forever. I can honestly say it pleased me. As much as it pleased me I have to still try to maintain a level head and remember as much as I want it, as much as I pray for it, in Ryder's eyes were not together and we aren't going to be. Maybe if well she is there I can show her exactly how much she means to me, maybe she will want for us to be back together. I washed up and headed back into the room, she laid back against the bed watching a movie. She looked over at me and smiled, without saying a word moved over and motioned me over to lay next to her.

"Come lay with me and watch the movie"

"You sure....?"

"I wouldn't say it...."

I felt all warm and tingly all over the minute he slid into the bed next to me. I know it was probably a bad idea but it just felt so right.

"What you watching?"

"Romeo and Juliet...."

"new one or old one?"

"New one."

We both sat quietly watching the movie, honestly I know he only did because of me. I don't even know how long we were laying there watching when instinctively I laid my head on his shoulder and I felt his arm wrap around me holding me tightly against him.