My Perfect Addiction

Chapter Eighteen

I yawned and stretched and reached over. I couldn't help but smile, she was still here. Last night we crossed that line and neither of us did because we were drinking. I sat up and just looked at her sleeping next to me, she looked so peaceful. I slid from the bed and took a quick shower and dressed, today is the ultrasound. This is the first time I get to be any part of this baby and it now just feels so real. When I finished up, she was still sleeping. I headed down and let the dog out before making her something to eat for when she woke up. 

I was at the table working on a cup of coffee and some work emails when she staggered in looking still half asleep.

"Morning beautiful"

"Hey...."

"I made you some breakfast, you and the baby need to eat before we go."

"Thank you"

She slid into the chair across from me and just sat silently pushing her food around with her fork.

"You, ok?"

"Joey about last night....."

"Yeah, it was amazing, wasn't it?"

"Joey that was a mistake."

I couldn't believe what she just said. It wasn't a mistake; I know she knows it. I looked up at her. I couldn't hold in what I was feeling,

"You know Ry, I don't believe that for half a damn second and I know damn well you don't believe it either. 

"Joe...."

"No damn it let me talk. There is something there between us I know it, I know you know it, there always has been. Back in the day no girl could ever compare to you, and they still can't. We can sit here and act like we don't want each other but its bullshit. Ryder were not kids anymore, we have a kid on the way, why don't we just stop this game. "

"What game are you even talking about?"

"Ryder come on I'm not that dumb, I know damn well you want me. I can see it in your eyes, and I feel it in the chemistry every time we touch. I want you too, why are we fighting something that can be so good."

"You're my best friend Joey nothing else, we can't be anything else."

"Any why can't we be together?"

"We just can't be together ok....."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you...."

I knew it was a lie I could see it in her eyes the way she looks at me. I feel it every time we've kissed and I'm not backing down anymore.

" Bullshit Ryder, if you don't want me like you say you don't, then kiss me and prove there is no connection, that you don't want me."

"Joey....."

"If you don't want me prove it then!"

She sat for a second before she stood up and stood in front of me.

"STAND UP...."

"Huh?"

"Stand up Joey."

I stood up and she stepped closer and before I could say anything she pressed her lips to mine. My heart raced and I feel her arms wrap around my neck. I couldn't help but smile and I grabbed her hips holding her. She pulled back and looked up in my eyes and smiled, but I couldn't help it I had to kiss her again. I don't know how long we stayed that way but when we pulled away it left her breathless.

"Now tell me you felt nothing Ryder....."

I stood almost frozen the way that kiss took my breath away. I couldn't look at him and fight it anymore that there wasn't something between us.

"I can't......"

"I knew you couldn't. Listen to me Ryder, you been my best friend since we were in kindergarten and from that first day nobody could fill the spot that you have in my heart. We been with other people I know but there is a reason it never works it's not supposed to. We are meant to be together not with these other people, just tell me you know that."

"Joey there has always been a place in my heart that was held by you. Every memory I have growing up you been a part of it. There is something between you and me, there probably always will be. I don't want to risk that friendship we have, and I don't want to be hurt."

"I knew you felt it too. Ry our friendship is something special but the relationship we can have can be even more special. I promise you I won't hurt you. Say you believe me baby." 

"I want to but let's be real your always on the road, there is parties, girls and everything. No girl is going to care that you're with me all they want is a chance to say they been with you. I have your baby growing inside me we are always going to be tied together, but there too much that is going to stand in our way."

"I won't let that happen Ryder, we can be a family you me and this baby I want that you can't tell me you don't."

"I know I do....."

He stepped closer and his eyes looked at me and I know I wanted it, all of it. I don't want to risk losing what we have now if the relationship doesn't work out. 

"Ryder... say something."

"I'm scared to be with you."

"Ryder I'm scared of not being with you."

That hit me in my soul the way he said that. I walked over and wrapped my arms around him. 

Her arms wrapped around my waist, and I sit here laying all on the line, I never been so vulnerable to anyone. She stood that way silently before she whispered so softly, I almost didn't hear it,

"Promise me you won't hurt me...."

"I won't hurt you."

I lifted her chin, so she had no choice but to look at me. A single tear slipped out. I caught it with my thumb brushing it away. I pressed my lips softly against Her's letting her feel what I feel. I pulled back and whispered,

"I promise."