𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

112. 𝑊ℎ𝑦

Queen

After ten minutes, the side of the closet he occupied was empty and his clothes lay in a heap on the floor outside. I giggled as we looked over the balcony and Lilith took out a cigarette. She whispered a spell, lighting it between her lips before taking a long drag and holding it out for me.

She raised a suggestive brow, the cloud of smoke filling the air in front of us and I looked at it for a moment as Syn's words filled my mind. He was always so adamant I never smoke even though he kept up the habit himself. Letting the air of defiance linger around just a bit longer, I accepted it and took a weak-ass excuse of a puff before coughing my lungs out.

"Eww!" I coughed and she laughed. "How can you guys smoke that shit?!"

She shrugged a shoulder, taking it back from my fingers. "I haven't had one in a long time," she admitted. "I don't know why anyone else does it, but it makes me feel fearless in a way. Like I can do anything—"

"It makes you feel like a bad bitch?" I asked teasingly and she raised an amused brow.

"A bad...bitch?"

"Mhmm." I nodded.

"Sure." She looked back into the woods ahead of us and shrugged. "I guess I am a bitch to most people...and I am very bad."

"So maybe you don't understand the definition—"

"You look good," she said to me. "Different than before...but still good— thinner, for sure."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, I can't say I've been eating that great for a while," I admitted.

"You need to take care of yourself, Queen," she chastised me, standing up straight and looking down at me. "Because no one else in this world will. The moment they see that you're crumbling— they will leave."

"I feel bad for you sometimes, Lilith," I admitted, looking at her. "You don't know what it feels like to truly be loved because you're always trying to keep up this act..."

"Ugh, you sound like your father," she grimaced.

"Well, dad is always right," I told her.

"Hm, I beg to differ," she said. "Besides, despite what you all think...I love very deeply."

"You have a pretty hard way of showing it," I told her and she sighed, guilt momentarily riddling her features before she looked back out at the forest. "Love isn't control or keeping up appearances because you're scared that they might see you're not as strong as you say you are. Love is what remains in the ashes after you crumble— my father loves you...I'll never know the reason why after everything you've done but he has loved you at your worst— even if that love betrays himself and me."

"Well, Adam has a horrible track record with choosing women," she muttered. "You saw how crazy of a bitch Eve was—" I tilted my head and she sighed. "I need to be drunk for a conversation like this."

"Fine." I gave in and we both remained silent, letting the cool air whip past our faces as my mind raced. Memories of what she did began to fill my mind until I couldn't keep silent anymore and turned toward her. "Why'd you do it..."

She sighed, clearly knowing what I was talking about yet not meeting my eye. "Why does anyone do anything?"

"I need an answer...because I am so angry," I told her. "And I was never an angry person before you came and ruined everything."

She closed her eyes for a moment. "Queen..."

"Why?"

She sighed. "After I lost you and your father...I lost my mind." Her voice broke slightly. "I had never had a normal life before- I never wanted it. I was always running- from Lucifer...from committing to your father. From everything." She laughed softly. "Then I got pregnant with you...and your father told me to grow the fuck up— so I married him."